Action figures are way more fun. We got married in Vegas, so we put personalized playing cards and chocolates out for table decorations. Our guests ended up playing poker for chocolates.

Who ripped the other shoulder strap off? What do you mean it’s supposed to look like she was in a bar fight on her way down the aisle?

I asked mine what things he cared about. Food. Drinks. That his tux did not strangle him. That ... was about it. He’d been married before, though, so he probably had some idea. But yeah, try asking him what stuff he likes to see at weddings and what he thinks is important. 99.9% guarantee you he will not care what the…

I think Alaska is pretty good at that. I’ve only ever had a problem with them once, and when I complained I got a $50 voucher toward my next ticket. Since it wasn’t a huge issue in the first place (they wouldn’t let more than one person through security to pick up an unaccompanied minor, even though we were both on…

Oh I’m sure. It might have had a bigger impact if he hadn’t been screwing everything that moved while we were still married, though. 3 months after the divorce barely rated a “meh.”

christ on a cracker that divorce could not have happened fast enough

Dear god why did I not think of this when my poor teenager was ruining sheets constantly.

I left out the best part, though. Said sister is a single mother to a child she conceived with a married man. But I guess God forgave that.

whaaaat

My ex’s sister tried to call me before my second wedding to tell me I was going to hell because divorce is against God’s law. My ex, in one of his few moments of being a decent human being, declined to give her my phone number.

My ex got upset the first time he thought I was dating after the divorce. He was angry I hadn’t told him. I was like “why would I do that? We’re divorced.” He said “Well wouldn’t YOU want to know if I’m dating someone?” And I said “Not really.”

My ex had just broken up with his girlfriend when I told him I was getting remarried. A week later, they were back together, engaged, and with a wedding date set about 5 months before ours. I think that counts.

The name, for us, was the easy part. The pronoun problem was partly that he hadn’t (or wouldn’t) pick some for the longest time. So whatever we used or asked to use got greeted with eyerolling and angry huffing. That’s a problem specific to him, though.

Only in his porn, I’m sure.

I think you want whatever the “Bosom Buddies” theme song was instead.

And yet you put one piece of broccoli in front of them, and they practically will themselves to death right there.

He takes a wide stance and is a Republican, apparently.

WOO Bisexual privilege!

I have no idea if they even made those before or since. I was wondering if they were a joy-fueled hallucination because I was finally leaving high school.

My graduation shoes were Converse high-tops with “Class of 1991” printed all over them and little tassels hanging off the back. I did not make these, they were actual shoes they sold and probably the only time my parents actually spent money on the actual shoes I wanted and not a cheap knockoff version.