I got married in 2005 and we had an internet livestream (Vegas, what can I say). What a difference a few years makes!

mypiles.tumblr.com , where I intended to document the various piles of things I keep around the house),

Weirdly, those seem fine to me. I may just have an irrational hatred for those leggings.

The closest job I ever had to food service was a kids' party place - basically a Chuck E Cheese knockoff with a dog in a spacesuit instead of a rat. I don't count it as food service because we didn't actually make anything, just ordered pizzas from the Numero Uno 4 doors down and had it delivered to the back door.

Only works on people between the ages of 30-50ish, probably.

This is why my ex is forever taking security guard jobs. WOOO POWWWERRRR!!!11! The kind that uses it as an outlet for his racism/classism/sexism why yes I am totally going to stop this black girl with the Coach bag and search it BECAUSE I CAAAANNN

There's some stores that just refuse the sale until ID is swiped. I know Target does that, and not just for alcohol. I had to show my ID to buy one of those compressed-air computer cleaners. Because they're popular for huffing, so they won't sell them to anyone under 18. Also R-rated movies.

I confess to bafflement at Subways sandwich formula, where "extra tomatoes" = 1 more slice, but "just a little cilantro" = a giant handful.

The cape is waaaay better than that second thing she's wearing. High-waisted shiny leggings are not a good look for anyone.

I stared at this picture for a full 5 minutes with the dorkiest dreamy smile on my face.

Oh wow, I need this. It's half tuxedo and half dress. LOVE.

I do not think there exists an outfit with more awkward proportions than this.

DAAAAMN

Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?

Actually I was the one who said that. I don’t actually care if you go away or not, but I am sorry your googles are broken.

http://womensissues.about.com/od/datingandse…

uh. okay.

Oh gross, I just realized they got married at Columbia Winery in Woodinville. I may have to strike that one off my wine-tasting rounds, eugh.

Oh yeah, there’s always at least one kid that gets a mad crush on the teacher. I once had one of my 5th graders ask me to the school end-of-year-dance, even. Of course I said no because I am not a fucking psychopath, and explained to him that it would be wildly inappropriate for any teacher to accept.

Right? There are places where a kid who turns 18 and is still having sex with his or her 2-month-younger significant other gets put on it. This woman is 100% a sex offender and is one of the people the registry exists for.