He buried the fossils so noble oil barons could earn their rightful money from the welfare stealers

"Donald Trump owns the Miss USA pageant, which is convenient for Republicans as it will streamline their search for a Vice President."

Nobody included John Oliver?

Patience? CBS announced like a month ago that they would hook up in next week's finale, so at this stage this show is best looked at as the thing funding all the shows you actually enjoy.

Everybody seems to be taking this as if I hate Colbert. I'm a fan, it's just I think his show is bland.

No, not more beer pong. I was thinking more in the other direction, where he goes with more aggressive political material like the Comedy Central stuff so that his show will stand out more. My complaint is that he's not committing to what he's good at, but making a half-hearted effort to mix Fallon and his old show…

I meant individual nights… Kimmel beat him every night.

Colbert's show just lost an entire month of shows to Kimmel in ratings, because his show is boring. He tries to bridge the gap between his old show while diluting it so much it's neither funny nor insightful. Kimmel and especially Fallon have less talent but their shows still strive to just be fun.

This episode referenced Paris… how is that possible? Are they writing the next episode right now? Maybe they should take a little longer to think.

Disney doesn't set ticket prices, theaters do.

The only way to make up for this atrocity would be for Obama to walk in, and promise to implement Donald Trump's policies, with the word 'christians' instead of Muslims, whites instead of minorities and finish with a recital of an ancient prayer performed by Stalin and a Saudi emir, which I'm assuming exists because…

seen Memento, but I was referring to his blockbusters, rather than his smaller films, because of the Hunger Games comparison specifically.

Christopher Nolan isn't dark at all. Only when compared to Marvel would his work be considered dark. And I'm a huge fan of his.

Shit. That's pretty much exactly what happened in the season finale.

That's still some excellent music. The one thing every sequel should imitate.

She gets to spend her days in war-torn countries protecting people their own government wants to kill. I'd rather just be a pampered movie star. Or some other activist if so inclined.

A woman who avoids showing her face on TV and a man who's face should never appear anywhere.

Blackwater. Google it.

Ant-Man was better than Age of Ultron because it didn't take itself so seriously.

But this probably means you were watching the movie months after it came out right? Because for some reason Hollywood waits months and months to put stuff in Japan even though they release it everywhere else on day 1.