I was born the first year the Twins went to the World Series. My older son was born the first year they won. We were at the game together last night, a few rows up from the visitors’ dugout. We are both diehard, lifelong Twins (and Vikings) fans, which is to say we are made of sterner - or, debatably, stupider - stuff…

I dunno, I guess I’m cool with paying 2% to hedge my bets against an employee coughing on my raw fish. Of course, I’m a Minnesotan, so this barely scratches the surface of “passive aggressive” for me.

“Lived with Giardia for years in India.”

I don’t have to imagine it.

I lived most of my life #3 but have sadly plunged to #10. 

Cops? Doctors did it first.

The Mom joke for my two adult children is that I get so engrossed in the previews I forget what movie I paid to see. Makes for a little extra jolt of excitement.

It’s the George Carlin Theorem. You have stuff, other people have shit. “Move your shit so I can put my stuff down.”

As a mother, I agree. I had my kids back before it was considered radical or miraculous, and I did it wearing pantyhose and heels and not being treated seriously. I’m over the brand of feminism that says I have to be on your team because we share a lack of Y chromosomes. Women can be assholes, too. A shining example…

Thanks for that. Taylor Rogers had already hustled into position and was standing well behind the plate.

It was a frozen fucking rope.

I will never not post that my phone’s predictive text prompts “Meghan” every time I type “fuck.”

If you have a dog, the #1 spelled-it-out-100-times word is W-A-L-K.

Single mom of two boys who can’t walk across the floor without tripping and who came up in a time and at a school where Title IX was a joke decides to sign up #1 son for grade school soccer. Got the gear, went to practice, eagerly attending first game. Kid realizes that in a real game of soccer, not everyone gets to…

Garrett, is that you?

My dad was born in 1915 and was a medic in The Big One. He also drank straight buttermilk from the carton, smoked unfiltered cigarettes, and put sugar on and in everything. His favorite treats were tinned sardines with saltines, fried egg sandwiches, and a slice of white bread topped with berries or preserves and…

Having done both (at an embarrassingly advanced age), which is worse: flipping over the handlebars or sliding off the seat onto the crossbar? Discuss.

LOL...sorry. It was, in fact, a very loving “fuck you.”

The Lost Tribe has a proud tradition of the Jew ‘fro. Don’t hate on the dreadlocks. It happens.

I was 28, so fuck you and your “Old” comment.