I’m curious what urban legend this is based on. “Didja hear the one about the people in the desert that got stung and bit by desert animals? I know it sounds wild, but my cousin swears it’s true!”

I don’t think I can eat that much ricotta, but I’m willing to try.

And it will somehow lead to him owning your property if you believe him.

If Jeff Lowe said it, assume it's a lie....

Joe definitely misused his money for cars and his campaign 

Also maybe she doesn’t celebrate or have much family? There’s a lot of reasons she could be doing it. 

It wasnt like Joe was living high on the hog. His house wasnt much of a step up from his employees.

Filming for the next season of Great British Bake Off has been delayed

I bet he thinks so.

That would be the panic part of panic buying

It provides the harsh, sandpapery friction on my genitals that I desire.

Wait, is this claiming that a self-selecting group of people who make claims to advanced intelligence turned out to be awful?

Every so often, I’m reminded of the existence of Chet Hanks and it’s momentarily disorienting.

I thought the same thing, but unlike the rest of you lazy bastards, I flew to Australia and did something about it.

Look what you did!

Everyone: “K-cups are the most wasteful innovation in the history of coffee.”

I know right? I’ve been a shirtless plumber for 16 years now and have only had 8 threesomes, and only 2 of them were with twin sisters! 

How do I cope with this? Obviously, a need of mine will be perpetually unmet. How do I keep myself from resenting her for not being more open-minded?

Honestly - if it was cheaper I’d pay him and just include a note that says “no video necessary.” But he’s $100 and I don’t have that kinda scratch to throw away.  If it were like $25 though …