Meh. Who cares really? The more interesting question is: how much are you masturbating? I always found masturbation to be more enjoyable than sex. Whatever.

Wait - Kelly and Ryan happened in real life too?!

Another argument to add to those who’ve already replied: Some jobs don’t need to be paid a living wage! They’re held by teens / retirees / ex-house-spouses / college students looking for a few extra bucks!

I remember a Republican representative said that he supported a minimum wage hike because it would get people off of social programs that they currently to pay for food and housing. I wouldn’t mind my tax dollars going towards other things like repairing our nation’s failing infrastructure.

When I go running, I fart. A lot. Normally I am running by myself so I just let them rip without shame, or until I am at least far enough away from the person running past me to claim a smelt it dealt it situation. So one night I had gone for a 5 mile jog at this park near my house (shout out to Green Lake) and I…

guilty face.

Shyeah. Translated into Sane, this says “I have been a complete worthless twat to my daughter her whole life, but I want her to still want to hang out with her veritable abuser, so I’m going to fall back on this deliberately vague platitudinal ‘reason’ as though it’s a matter of concrete moral principle, which I obvs…

If Gawker doesn’t offer you a writer gig by the end of the weekend, I’m quittng it forever.

It’s not as glamorous as it sounds. Right now I’m hiding in the pantry and eating chocolate so that my child can’t get out of bed and demand his share.

You’re Amy Schumer and this is from a new movie, right?

Yes.

It's most respectful to call her Caitlyn because that is the pronoun she identifies with.

This is going to end with you dating Ed Sheeran, isn’t it?

Well since another man doesn’t have a vagina, he can’t lie with him “as he would lie with a woman.” LOOPHOLE.

It’s sad that your comment makes me realize at least she’ll get a six month break from pregnancy to heal both emotionally and physically.

Whoa you didn’t @ him - HE SOUGHT YOU OUT. You’re getting fucking destroyed here Kara.

Actually it’s the complete reverse. “Abortion” has become a bad word to use because it has become so politically charged. Medically a miscarriage is a “spontaneous abortion,” but decades of political discourse on the evils of bad women getting abortions for unwanted babies now makes us uncomfortable with medically…

Honestly, who the fuck expects to build a life with a farm owning mime who takes himself seriously, beats dogs and has jealousy and anger issues? Are you insane?

“Nobody is getting hurt if I eat free pancakes three times a day...” Really? Isn’t that pretty much the same thing this guy is doing, and the magazine is encouraging? Imagine if everyone was doing it. The amount of free stuff these places would be giving away doubles, or triples, or quadruples, or whatever...

It’s…

...so you admit that you scam stores...?