Sadly, our Big Wet President will not be throwing out the ceremonial first pitch on Sunday—though, as we’ve argued before, it would be the perfect thing to heal our divided nation

Then yell on twitter how the Dems must have made baseballs too heavy and his throw was the best throw, the perfect throw.

For the record: Ivanka does *NOT* like being referred to as ‘some broad’.

Zero chance he throws out a first pitch, the chance for embarrassment is too high.

If we talk all about him at Game 5 and he realizes that his presence will overshadow the baseball, what are the odds that he attends every ALCS, NLCS and World Series game next year? I bet he throws out all their first pitches as well. My guess his signature move will be to sneer at the baseball and flip it three feet…

There are alot of people talking about this, they really are.   What they are saying is that Trump isn’t throwing out the first pitch because the great and unmatched velocity on his fastball would be a saftey issue for Suzuki to catch.

“LeBron Recite NBA Games From Memory For Me, Coward”

I’m going to take a WAG and say everyone involved in this fiasco is running a serious melanin deficiency.

Fixed! 

“And when I say brother, I don’t mean it like an actual brother, but in the way that black people use it. Which I think is more meaningful.”

The mistake was not having all of the students say “I am free labor” and then ending with Barry Odom ($3.05 million) and Cuonzo Martin ($3 million) laughing...

If you’re ever feeling too hopeful in humanity, just read the YouTube comments

It’s like something a late-night show would come up with to mock slightly more subtly racist promotional material.

Goddamnit...I don’t have very high expectations for Mizzou, or Missouri, or humanity in general, but nice to know I can still be surprised.

I am black and this is one of the few things that is so racist wrong it made me chuckle. “ I am a brother” underneath “ I am a future doctor” holy shit, nobody proof read anything before this was sent out. 

For example: Hocus Pocus. 

And if the fans of the bi-monthly season if virtual-reality-themed zombie romantic comedies hired the big ballroom at the Marriot for a celebration of their common interest, it could become a Bi-Mon-Zom-Rom-Com-Tron-Thon-Con.

Julie scoffs at the fact that her dad has erected a giant wall in order to lock humanity away from the outside world. I’d argue that a zombie apocalypse is the one scenario where that’s actually a justified response.

They should show this every second month then it can be a Bi-Mon-Zom-Rom-Com!!

Watching thematically appropriate yet mediocre movies is what seasonal movies are all about.