I think about this during ever state of the Union address. “We got to protect our phony balogna jobs people!” That and “this bill will be a giant step forward in the treatment of the insane gambler!”

I found the reviews for Straight Outta Compton too unimpressive to convince me to buy tickets to a film I otherwise had no interest in (its top critics reviews were at 78%, which is below what will make me consider attending a film).

Because they didn’t care.

Old White Response:

Like, is it possible to love her too much? I don’t think so. I don’t think so.

I love you, Bette Midler. I love you so much.

This is great news. It made me sad to think she would just be popping up as a supporting character in other peoples’ shows instead of getting her due.

I feel like we should just feel sorry for this person. Someone so out of touch needs to be pitied. 2015 was definitely the year of the dumb white bastard. Looks like 2016 will be no different.

She needs to raise awareness for African wildlife next!

I make a motion to start Dolly Parton facts in the style of Chuck Norris facts. GO!

FACT: Flowers don't bend to face the sunlight. They bend toward whatever direction Dolly Parton is.

FACT: Love of books is called bibliophilia. Love of cats is called ailurophilia. Love of Dolly Parton is called logic.

FACT: Dolly Parton…

I love that Dolly is a persona, separate from the real woman ...