No one is forcing you to be monogamous. No one. Not even your spouse. You are free to do what you want. You just have to accept the consequences of doing what you want, and have the courage to actually tell your partner what you want.

cheating on someone is what causes the unnecessary pain, not lying about it (well the lying contributes to the pain, but the cheating and betrayal is the main source of the pain). as someone else said above, there is a big difference between lying out of compassion for someone else, and lying to cover your ass and…

I hate this show because it does show exactly how fucking selfish people who have affairs actually are. I didn’t get past the first four eppies because I was exhausted with the BS. I get that it happens. And I don’t think monogamy is the end all be all for couples. The thing that bothers me is that the media…

But you’re still leaving out the ending to that premise that makes all the difference: “So instead of actually saying any of this to you and figuring out what we should do about it together, I’ll just do whatever I want, lie to you, and not give you any say in the matter.” The selfish part isn’t being unhappy with…

You’re being very limited in the choices offered, and you’re approaching this with some very narrow criteria.

More indications that the person doing the cheating has thought exactly fuck-all of this through.

If I was reading the thread correctly (which I admit I may not have because this is one loooooong thread!) I believe she did say that she would have preferred that her husband had at least talked with her about the option of opening their marriage before he cheated. I don’t know that she would have agreed but it is…

Poly maybe just deals with it better because it’s right there all the time.

Precisely. Everyone needs to decide for themselves, in each moment, what works for them. I’m tired of everyone claiming they have answers, or impartial judgment. I don’t like monogamous people saying that all poly situations are somehow doomed, and I don’t like poly people alleging that the existence of affairs…

Yeah, blame monogamy. God forbid anyone accept personal accountability. You make a choice as to what type of relationship you want to be in, and its on you to negotiate those terms and try to not be a selfish asshole. Sorry that fucking with impunity has the possibility to hurt your partner’s feelings.

You imply that many people or most people are in monogamous relationships because they don’t know any better, they know no different, or that they’re somehow been strong-armed by “society.” All options are problematic to me, either saying we’re monogamous because we are either regressive, ignorant, or without agency.

We persist in problematizing and morally censuring those involved in extramarital relationships, when the real problem—monogamy itself—goes unchallenged.

Nope, but my marriage is my business. Wouldn’t yours be your business, and your spouse’s? Who gets to tell you otherwise?

If you let outside individuals dictate what your marriage has to be like, if you don’t want it to be that way, that’s your problem.

I’m so exhausted by people shitting on monogamy. I don’t shit on your lifestyle choice, don’t shit on mine. And enough with the straw men. Monogamy isn’t imperative, we never said it was. You do you and STFU about it, for the love of god.

This show is fucking garbage. Normalizing affairs and making them look ok IS NOT OK. They are hurtful and traumatic. Yeah some relationships are complicated but if BOTH partners agree with the extra person(s) involved thats ok because BOTH consented. BUT when one does it behind your back and says nothing THAT IS NOT…

This is faulty logic. Murders have always been a thing but it doesn’t mean you should do it. If you’re bored after 30 years of marriage and your partner isn’t ok with you getting tail on the side or has an expectation of monogamy, then get a divorce instead of thinking your own needs are higher than everyone else.

Surely though it is not up to society to accept that cheating is ok given your parameters? It is up to the person who has been cheated on and screw what society thinks.

I also liked how individual narratives stressed that person’s relative lack of agency: when he tells the story, she is much more forward than he is, and he is almost seduced. When she tells the story, it’s the reverse — it makes it seem like he wanted it more than her. I like this emphasis on the self-serving function…

This is what happens when people badly want to normalize something in order to shift guilt off themselves. Next we will hear from evolutionary psychology pundits on how it is natural for people (men) to cheat due to wanting to lay their seed in the wombs of as many women as possible.