Fact: Some women do sometimes put themselves into situations that increase the chances of being raped.
LuckPushedMeFirst
luckpushedmefirst
Yeah, the whole ‘well, you wouldn’t leave your keys in your car ignition in a dangerous area’ argument pisses me off. First of all, women are not possessions. Second, we have our vaginas with us all of the time and surprisingly most men are aware of this. Thirdly, roughly 80% of rapes are non-stranger so it’s not…
I think people lose sight of the fact that by telling women and girls, "If you don't want men or boys to commit sex crimes or otherwise treat your group badly, dress and present yourselves modestly", we're also teaching men and boys "It's only natural for you to treat women and girls badly if they won't be modest."
As if we don’t live in a rape culture in which women are told from the day they’re born to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you…
Exactly. I firmly believe that victim blaming would drop off considerably among women if it weren’t for the fact that we have a need to convince ourselves if we follow all the rules we too can avoid ever being raped. The alternative is too terrifying—that it's not in our control and it could be a person we trust.
Rape is also a crime of power, where the victim feels helpless and out of control. Telling themselves that it was their own fault is a very common way of taking power back; changing the narrative so that the situation was due to their own actions - even wrong ones- allows them to feel like they aren’t so powerless.
So: don’t go out on dates. And make sure you don’t make yourself look attractive in any way if you do go on a date, because then it’s your fault. In fact, agreeing to go on a date to begin with indicates you have some sexual attraction to that person to begin with so what’s the problem when he decides he’s going to go…
No, no - only men have uncontrollable impulses, not women, silly.
I’ve had someone arguing with me this morning about this interview, saying he’d feel partly responsible if he had hundred dollar bills sticking out of his pockets and got mugged, so he keeps them hidden. He seems to think that a longer skirt will conceal the fact we are in possession of a vagina....
He was great but he wasn’t the first therapist I tried. I’d been to two others and was at least 5 years post rape when I went to him. He specialized in traumatic events and PTSD so he was exactly what I needed.
1)Thank you.
That’s the one thing that I find cheering in all this: the fact that most people—certainly not all, but most people—will read this and think, “This lady is nuts.” Even fifteen years ago, this probably wouldn’t have been seen as a particularly outlandish thing to say.
It makes me sad how often a fwiw is followed by “I was raped”. It highlights how prevalent rape is, and that it can be stated so matter of factly... I am sorry. I’m glad you have a good therapist.
That is very compassionate, thank you. I sort of ignored the whole fact that she is a victim when I blacked out and saw red at what she was saying.
BRB, gonna make some ‘murderer’ pins. And then if a man still comes home with me and I murder him it’ll be his fault, right? I mean - I advertised. I don’t have to go to prison now?
I’m glad you found a good therapist. I know that isn’t easy.
the bigger issue, is that the behavior of the motorcycle gang (in this example) isn’t being seen as wrong, because “boys will be boys” or more aptly “motorcycle gangs will be motorcycle gangs”?
Oh man. I’m a little bit older than Chrissie and I grew up with that same bullshit, victim-blaming message drilled into my head — and boy was it drilled into us. I got over it. Fwiw, I was also raped (back in the 80s) and I tried really hard to blame myself, but my therapist wouldn’t let me get by with that.
Honestly, this attitude is very common from people who have been assaulted. When I responded to hospital calls, they would spend a lot of time thinking and critiquing their own actions. It’s horrible to think, but it’s sometimes easier to blame yourself than to confront the reality that a gang of men decided to…