I prefer “Pack in, pack out” to “Leave no trace” with the added notion that if you can pack out more than you pack in then you’ve improved the Earth. That said, you make an excellent point about being heads-up about how protecting the ever-scarcer wildlife is better than simply leaving no trace.

There’s an idea that parallel universes exist simultaneously

plans to deport the Browns to Mexico

How dare that motherfucker give us news that tremendously hopeful only to turn out to be the same lying bullshit the NFL always spews. That’s no rapscallion, my friends, that’s a villain!

You got it. Exactly how many other daughters were around?

We are best judged by our enemies; Mourhino must be on the douche GOAT list.

As a parent who has instilled the necessity of knowing the difference between horseshit and bullshit to our 7yo boy and 9yo girl, you have confused the two.

As a parent who has instilled the necessity of knowing the difference between horseshit and bullshit to our 7yo boy and 9yo girl, you have confused the two.

Enough with the biting criticism already.

I thought the new drug testing policy was hitting everyone harder, especially the older ones.

Well, Cincy has a job opening once Lebron drafts his replacement.

Do the refs still get paid by the game, thus ensuring motivation to extend each series to as many games as they can?

Cincy is liable to go apeshit about this.

His twitter handle is in GOAT territory. I’ll wait while you check...

Where do I sign?

Not if your coach is Denny Hastert.

We love you and there’s nothing you can do about that any more than you can avoid the karma that comes from your actions. There’s no good luck with that.

That’s not love you ignorant fool, you are merely taking pleasure in mischief. As your requisite unhappiness unfolds, just remember this conversation; that part of you that loathes what I’ve told you is the enemy of all human beings. Once you accept that and begin to fight it, you will be able to find true joy. Until…

Mr. Magary, please hotbox every single other writer on deadspin whenever possible with whatever strain you worked that out on. Well done, indeed.

I love how obvious it is that the cats know how retarded their owners are, all while saying “But I won’t turn it down, dumbass”.