*Rewrites thoughts on feminism in Hollywood in iambic tetrameter.

I call "Chocolate Hostages" for the name of my metalcore band that only writes songs about the high rates of obesity for African Americans and/or people held in chains made out of chocolate.

Question: If the special went bad, would just we hang him, or hang his horse too while he was riding it?

I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes!

In that case, do you want to help me with my Marissa Wompler Run the Jewels album called "Womp the Jewels?" I need help on "Close Your Eyes (and Count to Womp)."

You know, you really should Pray for Rain if this is the song you come up with for worst songs.

"knight-in-shining-jeans"

It almost makes you want Mulaney to get a second season.

So should I get the frogs and bananas now, or hold off until the pumpernickel starts to mold?

So would you say that Beer Thousand got a Gold Star for Brewery Boy?

Listen to it again. It gets better over time once you get used to the lo-fi production and focus on the amazing melodies.

Middlebitch, Littledick, Littlebitch…I'm sure no one ever made fun of his name in middle school.

Chris Gethard, IFC has a spot for your now…

THE A.V. CLUB: A clever absurdity.

Tangent: What network is TCGS going to? Also, any predictions about the last public access episode topic? I'm guessing they burn down the MNN studio.

I think the world you're looking for here is "manic pixie dream girl."

Bourdain really is one of the few food writers/chefs who really knows what they're talking about (besides Alton Brown) and finds ways of seeing food in the context of culture. He can be pretentious and controversial for the sake of being controversial, but he deserves credit for really trying to understand every…

While we're at it, we might as well get Hologram Glenn Gould, Vladimir Horowitz, and Sviatoslav Richter to criticize him in interviews and tour together as the "Original Kings of Piano."

The real question is what he'll be like when he's back…

"Everything you need to know to live, in less than three minutes"