When I dropped my kid off at school today, all the kids on the playground were standing around a toad. Marveling at it, breathlessly amazed, all of them, like as if the toad were breathing fire. When my daughter saw this (very average sized, not at all extraordinary) toad, she shouted “WOOooooowwww!” like she had…

I’m a Bernie supporter who no way in fucking hell would ever vote libertarian.

Johnson’s actually famous for going on national television and talking about how much he admires Obama as a leader. Only afterwards did he realize that as a ‘libertarian’, he’s not supposed to say that. Google it. Apparently after that gaffe he decided it’s better to just not know or think anything that has to do with…

This the guy many Bernie supporters are leaning towards now? He is basically the inverse-Bernie.

Nah. “Putin” would fly outta his mouth before the question was even finished.

Aahhh, aren’t you sweet. Thanks for thinking of me.

Jesus Christ Gary.

Except everyone can name a foreign leader trump admires.

Grand Nagus Rom or GTFO. Ended up with Leeta, the sonofabitch.

Whereas Hillary could not only name every single sitting world leader, she could tell you what they had for breakfast, the name of their first pet, and what color underwear they’re wearing right now.*

Except Gowron is dead. Martok is Leader of the Empire

Or that Gul Dukat was the prefect of Bajor? Come on Gary, get your shit together. This isn’t 2138.

If that was true the party and its candidates wouldn’t be the fucking joke it is now.

Trump: same answer + 1000 words of nothing related to the question + 500 words of self-assured bullshit + “Crooked Hillary”= President

You mean he couldn’t even identify Gowron as the leader of the Klingon High Council? 

This guy was governor of a state that borders Mexico.

Trump (sniffling and slurping water): “Can we get KFC?”
Ailes: “No. Sit down.”
Trump: “HEY, FUCK YOU! DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?!”
Ailes: “Dude...”

Mr. Trump found it hard to focus during [general election debate-prep camp]

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Or in this case you can’t teach a man with the skin of an old 7/11 hot dog new tricks.