Ironically, the only people that believe in transubstantiation (cannibalism) are the Catholics, who politically speaking are pretty reasonable people, particularly the church attendees as opposed to the crazy pro-life bishops. The kind of people who show up at town halls to rant at Muslims are evangelicals who as far…

Ansel Elgort (actor, recording artist)

Steve Bannon looks like every description of Wilbur Whately from HP Lovecrafts “The Dunwich Horror.”

There is no way he knows their names.

If you remember I wasn’t going to do well with the African-American community, and after they heard me speaking and talking about the inner city and lots of other things, we ended up getting—and I won’t go into details—but we ended up getting substantially more than other candidates who had run in the past years.

What are the odds that he could name five more black people, living or deceased?

I mean, seriously, why did they even need a poet for the inauguration?

“No I’m not mad in fact I think this is very funny.”

Only a Pats fan would be surprised that they’re not getting any credit for a thing they didn’t do.

To be fair, I think that the “Economic Disaster” that Trump was referencing had little to do with corporate returns and the increased value of capital, but rather the declining value of labor in the market and the out-of-control growth of income inequality and employment insecurity. Not that Trump would use those…

My temporal window is showing the view from Midtown East in 7 days.

Tom, there’s no need to apologize to Laura Numeroff.

Alt-right plausible:

Every parent of young children is dying right now. Congrats. Nothing else matters, but this.

My haiku commemorating the President-Elect:

Jim Cooke is a national treasure.

I wonder when they’ll realize that when people on the left said anyone who voted for Trump was racist or sexist, the unsaid part of that was always, “because you can’t be that fucking stupid.”

Writing LOL doesn’t make it funny.

Was I a dick?