See, this kinda shit never would have happened in my family. We were raised right and always taught that if you never stand out or amount to shit, no one will expect you to help them out. Duh.

I’m sure he’s got a suitcase full of excuses for this one.

FCC! That was so fucking awesome to watch!

The greatest trick Phil Jackson ever pulled was to convince James Dolan he wanted to stay.

That is unusual.

“I’m not from here! I have my own customs!”

Is that you, Progressive Liberal?

I am absolutely mystified that people attend something like this. Like, I realize that this takes place in bumfuck wherever, but still. Don’t they have something else more productive to do with their time, like sniff glue?

STRIP MINING IS RAPING MOTHER EARTH!

A boat’s a boat, but a mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat!

Say what you want, but dude’s always working on his FITNESS, as in FITNESS whole goddamn pizza in his mouth.

As a fellow stockholder in the Packers, I approve of this message.

TAKE YOUR star, you LOUSY BASTARD!

Disgusting that the Bears would treat a team owner like this.

Today’s coddled glory boy players would rather have I.B.S. than C.T.E.

He didn’t win Cleveland

Unrelated question, since the finals aren’t actually that interesting after a 7-week layoff: why is Kareem (12 championships on 3 different levels, all time leading scorer) not in the GOAT conversation?

No Ball in NBA history has been in such a precarious situation without Draymond Green around.

I dunno, The Economist told me their Wahhabism should be cheered, so I think we’ve gotta go with that.