he learned his dance moved from the best:

I would love to see Tom get asked, “What’s it like to be a short old guy in a tall young guy’s world?”

Wow Miley. That is a legit awful thing to do to someone. Jesus.

If any demographic loves a Swedish mock-Satanic heavy metal band performing as if they were a 1960s group, surely it’s Jezzies in a thread dunking on a former VP for being so old he has dentures. That Venn diagram is basically a single circle.

I disagree.  This is the presidency we are talking about, having a old man rambling incoherently is a serious problem.  Thank god Castro had the gumption to call him on it.

He heard Ghost was releasing new music on Friday the 13th and he’s getting ready to perform the osculum obscenum on a goat.

Am I the only one that thought Bernie sounded like he was struggling to breathe? Jesus fucking shit. 

Moore said she has maintained her sobriety and that she, Rumer and Scout are seven months into a 10-month course on spiritual psychology, which she said teaches “soul-centered living.”

She looks terrible.  Also her teeth keep getting bigger.

Coordinating outfits:

Epic journalism, good job.  I’m glad to know who this human being is, by name and everything.

Dwayne.

What a mess this must be if Kevin Federline appears to be the most responsible adult present.

Sure, September 11th.  Probably no one will do or say anything disgusting on that specific day.

I usually find it easier to sacrifice a sock to the gods of hygiene, then flush it to punish the venue for failing to supply paper.

#henotwrongtho

Was your wedding televised? You are a celebrity.

I’d really love to meet someone with a leaning disability.  Sounds interesting.

Ooh juicy!