Why do you insist on using shitty similes?

The next debate will be in the format of Family Feud—Progressives vs. Moderates—and answers will be scored based on what surveys say.

Deep-fried PB&J is one of the world’s best culinary inventions. It’s basically one of those Smuckers Uncrustables things, which makes it functionally a PB&J empanada. I haven’t had one in almost a decade and now I want one so bad.

I guess it beats getting canned from your gig writing listicles for Bustle. 

If Stern’s kitteh is reported stolen, don’t come looking at my house. Don’t know nuthin’ about it.

...then dogs literally wouldn’t exist.

You must be fucking up when Logan Paul is the voice of reason...

Boy, I sure hope the Animal Cruelty department comes down hard on her. That kind of treatment is absolutely unacceptable.

OT, but I live in europe and I’m never up when sns is posted.

He signed off on that ridiculous settlement. He can be ready ‘til the cows come home after that; he signed his own career death warrant after that fiasco as far as I’m concerned.

His cousin is the Green Arrow, you can’t get any better than that!

Italia Ricci is my dream woman and I would challenge Amell to a QB duel to prove my undying love for her.

@RobbieAmell is outside pumping up a football

I miiiight buy the story that the expensive equipment in front of him was affecting his motion in The Duff (that’s the movie’s name? really? okay) but I don’t think that potato quality video he put on twitter is doing him any favors.

But is he elite?

Beto returns to his punk roots.

It’s unconscionable that she’d even consider living in Saudi Arabia.

I tried Jack In The Box once, and my ass played “Pop Goes The Weasel” for 3 days.

I dunno...she uploaded it manually? And eight minutes?? That’s almost three presidential years!