Make a video that makes me look like I have friends!

Long Live Gawker!

You’d think a Packer would know what’s in his luggage.

I’m beginning to wonder if the internet is worth it.

It’s only for a player’s first career homer, but it remains one of the best traditions in sports (on equal footing with the NHL tradition of tricking a rookie to go out for the pregame skate alone).

This account has gone nearly a year without posting, and three years before that, and now appears out of nowhere to talk Deafheaven on a Shohei Ohtani home run highlight. I don’t know what any of it means, but I’m starring it.

If [one of] the best episodes of The Simpsons says so, it is so.

Sunbather is the record of the decade

I have no idea how these people find Deadspin, but it’s hilarious when they do.

I go to the grocery store every Saturday within five minutes of its doors opening to avoid this bullshit. I’m a mission-oriented shopper, know everything I want or need before I leave the house. If I have to be held up from my objectives because people want to price check shit, I’m considering murder. I’m always happy…

I mean, it seems like it should be basically random (or more accurately “changes on a house-to-house basis depending on what was easier for the builder”), but I can definitely say that no house or apartment I’ve been to in Ohio or Georgia (the two places I’ve lived) have ever had the dryer on the left. And given Drew…

Google search washer and dryer set. I literally can not find a picture of a washer/dryer set that is aligned left to right. All major appliance retailers set them up washer (left) and Dryer (Right).

1.) He’s awful and I hope you won the account and took all his money because he doesn’t deserve to have it.

Seriously? I legit don’t think I’ve ever seen a dryer on the left, washer on the right combination.

This list is bad and you should feel bad.

Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies are at least 4 or 5. Those things were like crack for me growing up.

I pack my 5-year-old son’s lunch and he gets a treat. He is arguing that Fig Newtons are not a treat, I say they are. Will you settle this for us?

I really want to know more about Matt. Why did he think Drew would be the best source for getting a goth girlfriend? Drew, the man with disgusting thumbs and an even worse sense of style, that’s the guy to figure out goth women.

Wow, you seem FUN.