I’m ugly and poor but have a big dick.

Sending out dick pics is a risky move.

You’d think Green would wait to get to Rio to go viral.

Ah, so this is what they meant when they said Draymond was “undersized” for his position.

Sending out dick-picks via Snapchat is a risky move. All it takes is a little slip of the finger and you’ve accidentally sent it to an unintended target, and then that’s it, brother. I was with a group of friends last year when one of the girls got a snapchat from her brother and it was his dick. She started screaming…

I think I speak for everyone when I say “meh”

wait until she finds out that some Hispanic Americans dont speak Spanish at all!

I like the idea in theory, and I shot my TV a long time ago.

Sat next to Mila Kunis at a concert. She looked like a 4ft tall troll.

No, previous passenger was actually Lorde.

One of the most annoying things about being a celeb in public would be people constantly telling you that you look familiar. Judy Greer titled her book after these experiences: I Don’t Know What You Know Me From

I sure as hell would be annoyed by a chatty driver.

No. And keep up the good fight. Uber is not your friend.

Didn’t read it as annoyed, just a funny anecdote with dramatic irony.

You shut your whore mouth. Mark Harmon is an angel from heaven and a gift from One True God.

Am I the only person in the world who has never used Uber?

Years ago, I worked at a casino roller coaster and Andrea Bocelli was in line. I was on que or something that day (I don’t remember exactly what, just that I was the first employee people saw) and his manager came up to me and nicely asked if he could skip the line. He had to catch a flight in an hour but has been in…

FUck I need to know who it was. I’m kinda hoping it was someone super obscure and not your typical “Oh my God, it’s them” celebrity. Like maybe the Uber driver was just really into NCIS or something.

Bet you the previous passenger was Rita Ora.

Controversial opinion: most celebrities are unrecognizable without context.