The good news is that no one with the name Burr has ever had a single bullet point in American history.

Kylestaps Okbazingas

And Jennifer Lawrence looks too much like young Helen Mirren.

I was raised by my mother and my grandmother. My father was a distant figure throughout my life. When I put on my cowboy hat and speedo and rollerbladed into Claire’s to get my belly button pierced as a young man, it wasn’t because I didn’t have a dad. It was because I fucking ruled.

If he doesn’t clean up his act soon, he’s flirting with a multi-game suspension.

Col. Broccoli replaced Col. Mustard, who was transferred to the Spice Islands

“Challenge accepted”

In college, Newt Gingrich came to my school to speak. He visited my class, which focused on the UN and the history of NGOs and IGOs. We got into a discussion about Iran and he rambled on about how they hate us because they hate modernity. I raised my hand to point out that there is probably still asked degree of…

My wife and I were in VA Beach for a wedding. At the time she was 7 mos preggo. There was a golf tournament in town and some of the tour people were staying at our hotel. Long story short; We were entering the hotel and Earl Woods was in front of us. He let the heavy door slam in my wife’s face. He knew she was…

Davis: Damn, that’s cold!

In related news, 2016 has been extended for two more years.

Baseball is the only sport that actually looks like America.

Goddamn wussies.

Sadly, only a fuse people have seen this so far.

Gleason’s is moving? Is there no Buford T. Justice in the world?

Brian Kelly has always been an asshole.

I fucking hate Brian Kelly

The Life and Times of the Yale Man

2016: Public Indecency (Probation)
2020: Cocaine Possession (Probation)
2022: Cocaine Possession (Rehab and time serve)
2030: Assault (Stripper drops charges)
2040: Securities Fraud (Civil Settlement)
2048: Money Laundering (Civill Settlement)
2052: Secretary of Treasury

I was also bothered by that. That, and the child rape.

Immediately after taking a dump on the subcontinent, the Brits named him Raj.