Thing that is possible: Spurs finish fourth and also runner-up in Champions League, ending the season with zero trophies.

Just like when Dad went out for smokes, it is not coming home.

*Rex Ryans bursts in, wheezing*
Heard the...headline...need to...hear more.

I am no longer friends with HOPE.

So this asshole was in the theater with his phone out taking pictures? He’s worse than the spoiler.

I felt the entire post was a humble-brag. “I would NEVER use unemployment, yet I can spend weeks sulking on my couch.” “I traveled to 49 of 50 states,” “I won an Emmy and *Bob Costas* thought I was great.” “I’m so humbled to learn how to say lo siento when I made a mistake,” “The greatest career accomplishment was…

What I did know when NBC Sports released me is that my parents did not raise a son who would collect unemployment, and I never have.

Wow! Neat stuff, this is inspiring to me as someone who does not feel secure/fulfilled by their job.

“Round of applause from anyone who doesn’t want their skull dented by a stapler.”

The KKK took my country away

The united states murdered 2.5 million people in Iraq. Most of them were women, children and the elderly.

Once I get married, I’ll never have to jerk again. Me at 12. 

Pretty sure he would have missed all of them anyway.

Can we get the nickname LASER RAMÓN going?

Barry Bonds had a 60.2 WAR through his first 8 seasons (1169 games).

So you’re saying having high ambitions to fix a functionally broken healthcare system that is genuinely killing people is equatable to dementia ramblings?

We all know it should be called Shite Heart Lane

I suddenly have a huge desire to see this kind of play legal. Break their stick with a slash? Definite penalty. Launch their stick into the rafters and send that little t-shirt blimp crashing onto the ice? GAME ON.