Now-husband's family is very LDS (Mormon). He identifies as atheist; I am happily agnostic, but his family still hopes he'll return to the fold. So one year, we receive a book from his sister. This modern-day masterpiece is titled "The Crippled Lamb", and is a children's book about (you guessed it) a crippled lamb.…

The year is 1997. I'm 9 years old, opening presents with my huge, Catholic family, as always. It's time to open my last gift, a box from my parents. The whole family watches as I unwrap the box, open it, and reveal... a butterfly print training bra and matching underwear! I. Am. Mortified.

The Best Gift I Ever Got:

Okay, I'll contribute even though I was a not technically the gift-getter. *Caution, this is not a hilarious story, it is a mortifying story.

The worst gift I ever received was from my mother-in-law. Apologies in advance; this is "War and Peace"-length.

I was in my early twenties in the mid 80's, and was sporting a punk/alternative style. My sister-in-law gave me a floral, boxy, oversize cardigan sweater and hung over me while I opened it. I was completely prepared to fake mad love and delight over it, but before I could say anything, she said, "I just thought you…

The material is just so sheer over her really detailed boobs. And the foot of tassel is just an added bonus

Me! Me! My MIL hates me and has never made a secret of this. In all fairness, she barely likes the son I married and makes a big show of that on Facebook. Anyway, one of the ways MIL expresses her dislike is to pretend I don't exist. Like, there are pictures of our wedding day at their house, but I, THE BRIDE, am not…

Well, my worst gift ever was a doozy. I should start off by saying, I effing love Christmas. I go all out. If I were rich, I would probably buy everyone cars for Christmas because I absolutely love giving presents. I'm personally not very hard to buy for. I like all of the normal things: perfume, gift cards, a nice…

Not Christmas, but for my 14th birthday, my mother got me a package of underwear and a set of sheets. These was nothing "fun" or exceptional about either of these items—it was just a basic six-pack of Hanes cotton briefs and plain white sheets with the lowest threadcount available. I needed both items, and we were so…

I've always had a poor relationship with my dad.

So for most of my childhood my mother was just insanely busy with work 100% of the time, especially around Christmas, so she would usually give me cash and commission me around December to buy her Christmas presents for her and wrap them, just to take some of the stress off for the holidays. This way the only presents…

Best Christmas gift? Barbie cruise ship with a working blender. I recently found it and played with it.

My birthday is on Christmas.

My idiot husband informed his mother that we had been thinking of having another child (like not immediately, just that we could possibly not be one and done).

I have a goodie! Three years ago, my grandmother on my mom's side decided since my sister and I didn't have children, she wasn't speaking to us. Mind you, I was 24 and my sister was 21. Both very single.

Not bad? They come out to nearly $40 a pound for the steak (plus $50 for delivery!), and you still have to prepare them yourself. Your town probably has a top end butcher who can hook you up for less than that if you really want high end stuff.

I can understand the urge to make your proposal as splashy as possible. Still, it should be about what she loves, not what you love.

and i would walk 500 miles and i would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked 4,349 to fall down at your door gasping "please marry me, i am so desperate for attention"

One Thanksgiving, my teeth were just starting to come in. I was miserable and crying. My material grandmother, a lovely and tiny woman from Ireland, decided the best thing for me was to rub whiskey on my gums. Unfortunately, she didn't realize my paternal grandfather, an ex-Navy Italian from Queens, was doing the same…