Rainbow fish is the worst. Kids being jerks to you? Just bribe them with everything that makes you special.

Ok, this is good. I'd been dating this guy, who was a diabetic, for a while. No major issues. We were actively planning to move in together when my lease was up. One night, I IM him when his status showed online and he didn't respond. No biggie. An hour later, I was starting to worry because he had had some blood…

I'm especially partial to the barrel gang bang, myself.

Today I discovered that I can identify your articles without checking the byline. You have a very distinct voice.

Once, in college (before cellphones because I am an old) I walked to taco bell. My mom called while I was out and decided the appropriate response was to call the police, who were waiting at my dorm room when I got back. :/

I'm not going to lie, every time something stupid happens at my daughter's school I say, "yet another argument for homeschooling." Tragically, I am prevented from doing so by my custody order. Nothing this bad has ever happened (to my knowledge) though.

OH the one where they send grandparents to racism school is my favorite. I can't find a link, though. :(

When I was in college, my roommate and I did the research and decided scarlet fever was the thing we wanted to catch. Highly contagious, so no finals, but not fatal given modern medical care.

I've lost four pounds this week on the bronchitis diet. Basically, between sleeping all day from the cough meds and the lack of appetite from the fever, you're set.

I have decided that I don't like you. That is all.

Right? I mean, I get that it's not a candy BAR, but it's the only legitimate reason for Easter to happen, in my opinion. It's a MAJOR candy. Someone who is clearly not a candy enthusiast does not have any place making rankings.

THANK YOU. What the hell even IS that shit? And how can it possibly be number 2? Also, if anyone cares, I can get Symphony bars in Texas, in every damn grocery store.

Yeah, but it's all "this is what I'm craving now!" and "this is what my newborn is doing!" and I've got nada in that category. And I always end up feeling old and poor. *sigh*

I feel like I'm in the reverse situation with my friends on the baby thing. I had kids early, right out of college, and now I'm divorced and the kids are in elementary school. So there are plenty of times when I have a no-kids lifestyle, like, say, every other weekend. And now all my new friends are getting pregnant…

ok, I had this problem, and multiple drawers, too. I cleaned them out and substituted a basket. It can only get so full. It seems to be working.

My actual theory (and yes, I'm caught up on the books) on how it's going to go on GOT is that all this inter-family bickering is going to become irrelevant because the white walkers are going to sweep over the wall and it's going to be a desperate battle for survival. Although if that man doesn't get his butt back to…

No shit. I've remarried and changed jobs, but I had a few years of being a single mom with no local family and an office job and that is the hardest fucking thing I've ever done. Not for one second do I believe her two weeks of long days (with nannies, etc) even comes close to that level of hard.

It's not a standard clause, but he wanted it in, and it's apparently still a thing you can ask for. And the judge asked me, on the stand, if I felt that having premarital sex was more important than raising the children in a moral environment. I honestly think that the only reason I was able to get it taken out was…

They put a morality clause in my Texas divorce, which I had to fight quite hard to remove. I was not allowed to have any men in my home after 10pm unless we were related.