I literally have this show memorized. In the car I sometimes I sometimes sing “Notes”, which is a conversation between 5 people. I like to give each person a different voice.

TFW you realize you married Andrew Lloyd Webber

I love her and I will not make fun of her tweets for a full year.

“The bride and groom unintentionally posed in front of a garbage dumpster, foreshadowing the first few years of their marriage.”

lot to hate about this expression

Wait....has hollywood forgiven mel gibson? why is he even allowed on the stage?

OK I take it back, he’s a Berger.

Whenever I see actors do naked Oscar bids like this, all I can hear in my head is Robert Downey, Jr. in Tropic Thunder.

I’ll be honest. I do not like Leonardo DiCaprio.

I will be forced to get off my ass in 2016 as I adopted this adorable jerk last week. She’s terrified of/aggressive toward my partner and has a million issues but she’s already the love of my life.

Can you kindly explain what the hell he is even trying to say?

THAT SMILE. Indiana Jones really is peak Harrison hotness.

Looking at the photo of him after he was apprehended, I’m going to go ahead and wager a buck that he was drunk.

Research has shown there is not a large overlap between child porn users (non-contact) and contact sex offenders.... if that brings you any solace. Statistically, he would not be likely to be both.

Eh. I’m not big on it either but as far as it goes, this seems relatively harmless. Sure there are logical contradictions but if you want to be all pro-Jesus while doing nice things for people and seeming to be a nice person, then I figure you can be as into 2,000 year old Jewish carpenters as you like.

“Thank goodness this video now exists. Now watch Candace Cameron Bure (DJ) and her two TV sisters try to bust these moves.”

I heard something on the radio, I think it was from a comedian, that makes me laaaaugh every time “It’s amazing how music can move you. For example, a Megan Trainor song came on the radio so I moved to a different coffee shop,”

Vogue profiles have the special ability to make me irrationally dislike whomever they’re about, because they’re described in such a fawning tone. I have to remind myself that no, actually, this person is probably pretty cool and down to earth and farts and stuff just like everyone else and I can’t hate them just…

“What the fuck did we do?!”