Remember, you have to view this through a trump supporter’’s world view:

Counter-Counterpoint: Do this to your car, because you have a shitty HOA.

My front yard is growing well. 2/3rds of my back yard looks fine but is not growing. It is hard to tell where I’ve mowed. For someone who is OCD this is a hair puller.

The only advice new parents need is when you feel like hurting a newborn put it in the crib and let it cry. Safer there than in the arms of a parent fantasizing about hurting it. And yes new parents, after 36 hours of no sleep and 4 straight hours of crying with your wifes nipple bleed you will suddenly imagine…

Not a parent, but I’m looking forward to occasionally reading one of this blog’s articles only to find the comments flooded with unsolicited parenting advice and judgment from other non-parents.

Pretty excited for this as I am having my first in August. May I suggest an article on how to deal with the ever-creeping dread that I may end up raising my child in a dystopian hellscape or post apocalyptic wasteland? ‘Cause I think about that a lot.

It’s so unfair that Usain Bolt only competes against humans. He should have to race a cheetah so that he’s not winning a medal in a competition with mere bipedal apes

My SO tried to claim that he was shouldering fully half of all of the chores, so I said, “If that’s the case, let’s trade. If they are truly split equally, you shouldn’t care either way”. Easiest argument I ever won.

For flowers that wilt easily but dry beautifully, such as lilacs, hydrangeas and certain fragrant varieties of roses, I just skip the vase and hang them to dry in a closet. The best part is that the arrangements made from those flowers are lovely and last for a very long time.

Yes I am biased because as a christian its a sin.

I had an escort once in high school. It was my first, and my mom bought her for me. In fact, I was the first of any of my friends. She was a little boxy, but was very sturdy. Not too roomy inside, but I prefer a tight fit.

His stellar résumé is enough to land him a job as Surgeon General in the new administration.

Well I mean, if you want to equate conservatism to Christianity you’re going to have to do even more mental gymnastics. The teachings of Jesus don’t really line up too well with American conservatism.

Yep. Those women and blacks hold all the power.

How will they ever afford a house if they get hooked on avocado so young?

It is possible to both feel sympathy for his children AND think he got what he deserved. I feel sympathy for Barron Trump but also think his father deserves to be stung by a thousand bees.

It would be super hard not to boop a manatee. I mean, I would definitely not. But it would be hard to not.

Cushioning your stupid opinion doesn’t make it less stupid.

I know if I’m not at least rocking a full cat eye liner I can’t even tell the difference between a thong and a boy short.

The horse will possibly be less stupid and definitely less cruel.