What about the sheriff’s wife?I can image she could lose her shit... 

Eliminate tipping and charge people service fees. 

Hell The Athletic, I’ll cover football in DC for ya. 2 conditions: (1) I will only refer to them as “the football team in DC that actually plays in PGC” and (2) every article must be accompanied by a photo of Dan Snyder smelling his own butthole.

He has to have sponsors, right? And surely this would piss them off something fierce. 

our generic 80s era Paul Verhoeven villain-owner

I didn’t know Luis Suarez knew how to golf.

He’s in the middle of a Deadpool-esque regeneration. 

If the worst thing about your team’s beat writer is their workmanlike prose, you’re pretty lucky.

Yeah because when I think of economic renewal, the crown jewel is definitely a fucking minor league baseball team.

I was brushing my teeth at the sink when I suddenly had to sneeze. You ever sneeze while brushing your teeth and spots of toothpaste fly everywhere? Well, in order to avoid that, I gripped the sides and put my face directly above the sink. The last thought I remember having before my head snapped forward, concussing…

Alright folks, I think we’re done for the night. Pack it up and we’ll start again in the morning. 

*deep breath* He’s back, back back back back backbackback backback *passes out*

I also vaguely remember some anecdote where Musk wanted PayPal to proceed using some code that was universally agreed to be either inefficient or outdated and had to be overruled by the board. I can’t find anything to corroborate this though. Did I dream this up?

Additionally, the popularity of Tesla has forced every other car maker on the planet to create new electric models up to the point of some announcing plans to quit making internal combustion engines.

Ah, there’s the “at least he’s trying something” Muskboy argument I’ve been waiting for. 

tunnel would connect Dodgers Stadium to a metro station in East Hollywood

Joe Flacco looks like a Muppet. 

You don’t want to wind up in a Jon Krakauer book.