Pretty sure the optimum office food is a nice chicken salad, with a side of coleslaw, and a squeeze bottle of Miracle Whip to just pour down your throat as a chaser.  Every office should have this.

It looks like his mom combed his hair for his first communion.

Ranch dressing is like somebody said, “What if we made mayonnaise, but with an even more repulsive odor?”

Anecdotally from a few articles claiming to be written by consensual sex workers, even they’re pretty light on clients during super bowl weekend. Turns out their potential clients are just there to watch football, get hammered and do things that aren’t buying sex. 

Not necessarily. You could make it a strict liability offense like statutory rape, which removes the knowing intent from the offense. “I believed she was 18" or “she lied about her age” are not defenses to statutory rape. Regardless, even with a knowing intent requirement, it might encourage johns to be more careful…

And you'll tell anyone you can about it any chance you get.

The real problem comes in April, when a confused Vince McMahon orders him to fight Susan G. Komen at Wrestlemania.

Can you get a message to the letter writer’s girlfriend?

Only an old billionaire goes to a rub and tug to get doubled up on by two women over the age of 45.

Seattle Spoonmen

Spurs fan here. We also won’t be signing anybody in the next 2 transfer windows. 

And in return, I’d just like to say slut, abortion, masturbation!

“Females" in any context outside the scientific is the biggest of red flags.

Now it’s time for me, an old man, to yell at a cloud.

This will make good tv, and I’ll probably watch it, but I think at a fundamental level, it’s lame that all these cool activities are turned into competitive sports (whether olympic or not).

Kayfabe is hell of a thing.

More like watching “Mr. Rogers Neighborhood” and patterning his presidency after King Friday XIII. 

Most folks hate Carl. The producers evaluate the situation, call in the writers and declare “Must be the hair color. Bring us... Blonde Carl!”

I simply refer to Henry as Carl 2.0 now.

Regarding the beard/hair thing:

I’m sure that he’s Not Even Mad and Actually it’s Just Funny to Him