Our annual Christmas Eve family holiday Hell was canceled this morning due to illness on one branch and I’m beyond thrilled. I feel bad they’re sick, but now my immediate family is just going to order pizza, drink beer, open a few gifts and chill. Every year I hope it will get canceled, and finally my wish has been…

I read that as “Penises ‘are kind of scared.’” Which still kind of works.

This is why I carry a bottle of Xanax!

PHEEEEEEEEEEEE-*glorp* whaaaaaaaa-OoooooooOooooooo

Starred for username/comment synergy.

Do you even know the name of the orca in the picture?

There’s a joke to be made about people at Sea World getting tortured in a small glass enclosure, an environment they are not suited to be in, and needing to be released back into the wild, but it’s Monday and I’m tired.

being trapped in a giant elevator suspended 200 feet in the air for two hours—

Yesssssss. My head was nodding so much that I think I pulled a muscle! I really appreciate the acknowledgement of the nuances on this issue and not only discussing Nicki’s decision, but analysing why she did it and the negative repercussions that her actions have on society and people’s perception of her.

Au contraire, “crack up” is not an inaccurate description of said poses.

I have seriously never found a man so attractive without knowing what his face looks like.

uuuuuuuuhhhhhhh yeah I’m gonna get fired

“Dangerous liASSions”

I meant something more like “serious theological training”. I have friends who went to Catholic school, but they didn’t come out of it knowing how to abjure demons. They’d be bragging about it non-stop if that were true.

But the existence of Werewolves, Vampires, the Undead, and immortality, totally legit.

I bet you’re a ton of fun at parties. :/

I really hope they use the last one for the "Charlie Hunnam's Butt" clip at the 2078 Emmys In Memoriam reel.

i honestly can't breathe right now

I wouldn't have been surprised to have the camera pan left to show the plants all retreating into their pots.

Why Ethan Chandler, you certainly can surprise a girl.