Kourtney is my husband’s favorite Kardashian.

Think about it, though - even if it was wise to send children to disarm a shooter, how incredibly dangerous is it for Fox to make their viewers think that watching a TV segment is enough training for a child to do that?

Instilling terror into children must start at an early age if we are to properly rear new generations of Fox News viewers.

These feel like normal human responses to me. I would throw myself over my little brother before I’d expect all 42lbs of him to take on a maniac with an assault rifle.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stormed into stores screaming “BIG MISTAKE! HUGE!!!” while holding a shopping bag from the Dollar Tree.

Even though disarming an active shooter isn’t that hard, I wouldn’t recommend it. The reason we have hostage negotiators is because unhinged people can become rehinged through words.

It’s fast food. It’s not displacing Mexican restaurants in the average Chipotle-eater’s diet, it’s displacing burgers and fries and other worse fast food.

Marrying a father does not make you a stepmom. It’s not an automatic title. It is earned.

You're really comparing a Waffle House to an entire police department?

Well hell, that’s a valid reason.

When my dad was in college in the early 1970s, he had to write a paper debating why Roe V. Wade shouldn’t become law. It pissed him off so much, having to read so much misogynistic rhetoric. This is a man who was raised Catholic, and even he was pro-choice, pro-birth control, and unable to give a cogent argument for…

No joke. I am considering moving out of my house today as one of my housemates just said, “Good! I saw those videos of PP selling baby brains and they deserve to be brought down.”

“Practice your attitude” = “Women and black people should remember how to speak when talking to their betters.”

Jesus Fucking Christ, the dude they got a quote from in the story:

I have been strugling with depression for quite some time now and my family has always been very mean to me (as they always told me to shut up and now only call when they need a favor) which is why I decided to skip the Holydays altogether. I know it won’t make me feel better but at least I won’t feel rejected and…

Huh, I never had to act in any way whatsoever. Living in the city was immediate proof of my snobby superiority.

God dammit my mom invited me to have Thanksgiving with her and the family she lives with in another town. They’re loud and obnoxious and may as well be literal racoons there’s some unpleasant history between them and my sisters and I and there’s so many of them they had to rent a fucking conference room to get…

I plan on handling it the same way as I have for many years: Very, very stoned.

Last year I got sick. I swear I didn’t get sick on purpose, but honestly, I’ve never enjoyed a cold more. Getting to sit home alone, watching whatever the hell I wanted, knowing I was getting great leftovers delivered to my couch and avoiding the political spat my FIL was sure to start....sigh.... that was a great…

Those pictures are valid evidence. That pit looks like a sweetheart and the other looks like he will eat my face off if I don’t stop looking at his picture.