I love pitchers who go out of their way to seem like uncompromising hardasses who might just make your ass pay for charging that mound. Nolan Ryan, Bob Gibson, and Don Drysdale are obviously the archetypes, but there are some quality dudes in this mold these days, like Bumgarner and the ever-aging, but still very…

As long as he keeps winning games, I don’t really care.

Well, she suffers from something, if she’s in a coma and unresponsive, more than a psychological illness, which is the claim against Morgellans, that’s for certain. That sucks.

This.

I’ve got rusty nails in my two-by-four. I feel it gives it a certain je ne sais quoi.

I have a dirty confession...I think these dresses are cute as shit. They remind me of the shifts Mia Farrow wore in Rosemary's Baby.

But alas, I am poor, fat, white trash. Maybe if I throw a NASCAR jacket over one of them?

yeah but whatever because Annie’s is infinitely better than Kraft

Or maybe this is not an either or scenario. After all, psychiatric illnesses are physiological in origin. Ever since I read an NIH article that described symptoms of somaticized illness as physiologically real but “wasting” billions of dollars, I feel like people who characterized undiagnosed illnesses this way can go…

At least none that they'll admit to in a national publication. However, there are those mystery "Prescription medications! Plural!" as item 24 of Jane's list, along with the medical nature of most marijuana in the state, and I say you have a good chance of it being there, hidden in plain sight.

And hey, TrumanChipotle, I don't know if this is your first time at Coachella, but don't do black clothing for the festival - it's way, way too hot. Unless you're down for that - it really depends on your personal thermostat. I'm wearing mostly gray.

No weed?

• My inhaler.

Man, SHE’S gross. I think he is an abuse victim, same as a female child would be considered in this case if the role’s were reversed. He’s an adult now but honestly his life has been so intertwined with hers as she basically stole his childhood and saddled him with kids super early. As a result, this woman has always…

I have no idea if any of what you said is true where you live, but if that's the case then I feel sorry for you. Bad tap water is a shitty cross to bear.

I hate practical jokes. 'Oh look, I made you look stupid/feel stupid/inconvenienced you/wasted your time, because apparently I forgot you're a grown-ass adult with shit to do and zero time for this nonsense'.

I hate pranks. I am an old, cranky woman when it comes to pranks. And other stuff.

As an antidote to the disgusting act above, may I present something that may give you faith in future generations:

Also, star this comment if you went to Catholic school and still remember how much fucking time you'd be spending in chapel this week.

As someone who goes to a ton of music festivals (including Coachella), the thing that drove me crazy about "Coachella style" is that the clothes didn't make any sense for festival going. For the parties? Sure. But for the festival itself? No fucking way. Sky high wedges, jumpsuit, large hat, a crochet shawl, and micro…

No no, cabs are not "a stranger's car". A cab is a company's car. A company that is regulated, conducts real background checks , and ensures the person driving is who they say they are.