Standing in a corner because you're a distraction to the rest of the class violates human rights?

I was spanked! Everyone in my family was. We all turned out fantastically well-adjusted and successful. I think the difference is that - and I know this sounds corny - that we were spanked out of love. We weren't beat because my parents were frustrated with us or anything, but when we were reallly bad, we knew we were…

@hedonisticme: I lost a lot of weight recently going gluten free, and I think the biggest contributor was that I stopped eating fast food. I couldn't just run to Taco Bell and grab a few soft taco supremes any more. I don't know if I mostly feel better because I stopped eating gluten or because I stopped eating crap,…

My vagina has an honorary degree from Shutthefuckup University, and after extensive research, would like to respectfully disagree.

@MsAvignon: AND SHE COULDN'T DRINK THE WINE BECAUSE OF HER DIABETES!

Whatever. I preordered the prequel in October.

Ov-er pour-ing?

I haven't seen The Blind Side, though I just finished reading the book, and the story is definitely not "white saint who deals in equally saintly black people." It's about a wealthy Christian family headed by a man who grew up poor and created his own wealth actually walking their faith walk instead of just spouting…

Taylor, I understand your pain. I too have long legs and my grammy calls me her baby giraffe. However, I have found that they do make pants that fit said long legs, and perhaps you should check those out - I know it is fun and edgy and carefree to frolic in men's shirts and garters and blazers all day, but from one…

Liz Jones (in 6 words): Displaced rage, I am a lesbian.

@DonnaPirana: This is my favorite icebreaker for the bar. Except I made a man cry once after pushing him for his story. He replied, "Never good enough, trying to be" then burst into tears.

I went through one of these on Christmas Day at DIA - it wasn't until I landed in SC that I realized why security all the sudden was so much tougher. I had no clue what it was or what it did (I assumed it scanned you for explosive powder, or something?), and now that I do, I don't feel violated, but I would have liked…

I've started to morph Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan in my head, which makes for reallllly interesting Dirtbag reads.

@Plum-Pie: Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day!

This is news? I've been allergic to Christmas trees since I was 3. We just put up a fake one and I'm good to go.

One of my brothers learned in the most hilarious way possible not to steal. He stuck his hand up one of those candy machines that gives out toys instead of candy, and got his hand stuck because he refused to let go of the toy. The store manager called the fire department, who first lectured baby bro on stealing before…

I, too, like Octomom choose to walk my dog in my adorable pjs, face mask, and perfectly applied eye makeup. I never know which pap is going to be hiding around the 3rd bush on the left side of the 2nd alley I pass.

I can only aspire to the day when I am called, in one breath, a "proud whore," a "lady [of the night]," and a "particular hussy."

I actually have always received really exceptional service at Lowe's.

@Dancingfrog: This is why its genius for me! In my infinite wisdom I keep a half full glass of water on my nightstand, and a have a habit of flailing at alarm clocks to turn them off, resulting in multiple alarm clocks' deaths from drowning.