Obama is so handsome. Not just by comparison, but goddammit. It’s like putting a glass of French wine next to a half empty PBR that’s mostly backwash.

Trevor Noah nailed this one perfectly: there is a massive difference between using obscene language to talk about your totally consensual sexual experiences and talking about sexually assaulting someone. Is the first one kinda shitty, depending on the situation? Yea. Do your friends probably want you to shut up…

Cause she’s a blonde! Yeah yeah yeah!

Update (9:53 a.m.): Diniz has just collapsed on the course.