Umm, false - that would be Zebra Stripe gum. Even if it loses its flavor in approximately 5 seconds.

If I see one more ill-fitting, cheaply made strapless dress covered in low quality glitter vomit I might go postal. I plan to wear my mother's dress from 1985, slightly doctored (read: remove Princess Di sleeves).

This dress is everything, tho

Um, can we start a change.org petition for this or something?

Hungover: Hulking Sweater Monster

How about no.

I guess I don't really think of sending my sister or close girlfriends snapchats of ridiculous facial expressions as even taking a "selfie" or an "ugly selfie"...it's just a substitute for the fact they aren't there for me to make my Gilly face at them. Which clearly is what we would be doing in person.

My BF and I recently obtained a snow blower... Overjoyed dot gif

IT'S RELAXING OK?

What I wouldn't give for a top-secret bathroom in my hellhole of an office building. We only have one, and someone in this building seriously must be consuming a steady diet of toxic waste. I've never smelled a more uniquely horrifying and pervasive shit smell in my life.

Seriously. Hey, CNN, I suck at life. I can haz show?

It's not like he isn't talented or like he's a horrible person, his music and voice just annoy the fucking shit out of me.

I don't care what he does, his voice sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard and his music annoys the shit out of me. Looks like he had some nice dance moves, so good for him I guess.

There is a now-defunct tumblr of old peoples' posts on Facebook chain restaurants' pages...someone should revive that.

Oh you're an Omahan? How funny! I'm a Lincoln native, current Omaha resident. If nothing else I'll have my parents place an order - they always have plenty of little sales ladies that show up at their house :)

FREEZE PEACH

Right? I need to find a broker. I'm not sure if mine is still in business (in the Girl Scouts).

Oh yeah. I'm sure Kris has developed some finely tuned media manipulation skills.