And a former Nebraska governor, US Senator, university president, Navy SEAL Vietnam veteran, and Medal of Honor winner.

GO AWAY DEB FISCHER. Seriously, I cannot even believe my state elected this hack over Bob Kerrey. Fail, Nebraska. (again...)

Sweet Jesus, THANK YOU. It'd be one thing if this were 1953 and an unsolicited dance involved a guy cutting in on a friggin' waltz...but suddenly having some gross dude rubbing his boner on my ass is just not high on my list of goals for a night out.

"Grammar nazi" to most who self-describe thusly: "I know which your, there, where, it's, etc. to use."

Ohhh, it exists... trust. :(

Either that or "fat" is just Douchebaggian for "lady who says things I don't like and/or won't give me what I want." See also: PUA Jeffy "Rape Van" Allen.

Spot on. It is NOT easy to be the Fat Friend (TM), and I am really not even fat (many people would look huge next to my 5'3" size 2 BFF). I've just spent too much time around idiot Nebraskan frat boys/douchebros.

I think one of my favorite things is that to the first woman, in between "Kill yourself nigger", and "the funny thing is, we're actually perfect together," he makes comments about her being pathetic and having cognitive dissonance. Projecting much, loser?

Definitely not the worst thing, but thinking about that be-mulleted douchenozzle waving his weiner in my face without my permission still gives me a case of both the pukes and the sads.

To be fair, one of the texts did say "Kill yourself nigger". (Charming.)

HURD THAT, sister. I'm not ashamed to say it, haha.