I understand completely, as I scan these comments throughout the week in anticipation of a fresh BCO and further examples of Pinkhams Law.

As it has been over 12 hours since my initial comment, I shall deem you all inadequate troll hunters. My life is complete. Witness me. I ride to Valhalla, shiny and chrome.

No. Stop this right now. There is no excuse for being over the age of 8 and not knowing what Swiss cheese is. That is just straight up stupidity. This is why we can’t have nice things.

In Barrow Alaska, a place I once visited to receive training in the most American cuisine, Inuit, it is clear and obvious knowledge that if someone orders a sandwich of wheat bread, American cheese, lettuce and mayo, it is (fucking duh) gonna have chicken salad on it. GOD, WHY DONT PEOPLE GET THIS

The wife became very alarmed when she saw dolphin on our menu and proceeded to loudly berate me for serving dolphin. I explained several times that the dolphin on our menu was a different creature than the one she was thinking of, even pointing to a large plastic Mahi we had hanging over the bar.

Nah, chicken salad story is BS. Everyone knows that wheat and American cheese always denotes a chicken salad sandwich. It's common knowledge in Barrow, AK, a place I once visited.

Not the huge Suburban/Escalade model machete, more like the Taurus / Retiree’s Buick of machetes.

It’s the only accurate term for it. Splatter everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

“ Some kind of knife that I’m pretty sure is actually a mid-sized machete”

Depends. Shaking makes the ice splinter and melt faster, thus watering down the drink. Which for me is why I like my martinis shaken.

I thought it was French for “small penis.”

My fiance has a china cabinet full of wine glasses, but only one set of champagne glasses. From his first wedding. I’m willing to barter a trade with you.

I got a fever and the only prescription is crazy expensive french enameled cookware.

I also like propriety, but I actually cook maybe once a month and am terrible at doing dishes, so until I’m rich enough to pay someone else to do both those things, you’ll have to hold down the gilded cup fort by yourself.

I mean, it’s pretty much always me.

I inherited a Sur La Table’s worth of random kitchenery from my mother, and even though I’ve divested myself of much of it...

Isn’t cocotte a disease?

I strongly disagree on the dessert forks and cheese knives, but I like formality when it comes to such things. I use gilded tea cups for myself every morning. I think my dumbest kitchen thing might be my Madeline baking pan because DUH, and also my mandolin slicer because I'm afraid of it.

I recently trashed a hand-cranking popcorn machine a terrible ex gifted me, because he thought I should like popcorn more. Fuck him and fuck that thing.

How is that weird to you? If you’re throwing a big party with over 100 guests and a lot of moving parts, why wouldn’t you want to start planning at least a year in advance? Good caterers and venues and photographers get snapped up real quick. It’s not necessary for everyone, but starting to at least plan/think about…