Lindsey Graham will never be a crotchety old man. He will be a bitchy Southern dame til the day he dies.

Some cats like being outside, even in the winter.

I don't even like cats. Can I still sign?

And, on that infamous evening in New England, as the snow banks stood massive and the tears of hipsters everywhere fell as they watched the power they had habituated to receiving from whipping out their iDevices and typing furiously upon their single star...

I don't think it's obvious at all. I think it's likely. But I also think it's telling that even after acknowledging that her body type is perfectly natural (as in can be naturally occurring), you immediately cast doubt on the possibility. There are lots of everyday, non-famous women of colour who have that body type.…

She probably also thinks that goddamned dress is White and Gold.

I receive SSD payments. I receive WIC for my twin boys. I'm homeless and live in a family shelter. I also receive SNAP benefits. I have a disability that prevents me from working for long periods of time. Funny thing is that I was working when I got pregnant but I had one of those high-risk pregnancies that required…

And studies show that social program fraud is negligible - while fraud of the taxpayers to justify out bloated defense budget and military action is HUGE.

You don't own anything but the unique willingness to crassly exploit it."

dogs are convinced we spend all day playing with other dogs and that our food is theirs too, but we are busy giving their share to the secret dogs we hide from them.

Is this article an excuse to post our babies?

every vet I've ever worked with has said the dog DNA tests are bullshit. In theory they're cool, but in practice it's some shady company making a lot of guesstimates.

See the graceful unicorn in her natural habitat- the couch.

My Bengal's favorite food is my hands, which she'll without warning run in from the other room to start furiously gnawing on.

So if I were to have children they would be... borderline feral?

Yeah, that actually totally checks out.

My children will have to pee and poop outside but I will ALWAYS pick up after them. Poop and scoop.

Then my kids' favorite snack will be cat shit and I'll be all "Eh, whataya gonna do?"

I would like to hug you for this.

Pfft! Pets aren't children substitutes. Children are dog substitutes.

Then my kids are going to be lazy, gassy, and snore all day.

If this extends past food, then my child will be ruthlessly teased and called a "weirdo" for doing mundane but silly things.