So does Betty White.

Well fuck. If he'd have mentioned "My Little Pony" I'd have bingo.

Gordon also appears to be under the impression that his cheekbones are more rugged than they actually are, if those drawings s are supposed to be him.

My liberty is not the ability to infringe someone else's liberty.

Okay. Repeat after me.

I don't even need a scarf. I have pockets and a bra to stuff pastries into.

I'm with you. I love Acqua de Gio, men's version.

I buy and wear man-fragrances because a hundred brilliant chemists and psychologists spent years developing fragrances which are appealing to women - to be worn by men. The packaging doesn't mean shit to me - they were designed with me in mind!

WHO HAS THIS MUCH MONEY?!

I am the only one buying the cheaper of the two bags of incredibly cheap lentils by the end of the month?!

I understand totally. I had thinner female friends who would point out guys to me and then politely illustrate some "flaw" that brought him down to my level socially or something, I guess, like being shorter than average or balding. Women can really be spectacular at "being supportive" in a completely fucked-up and…

No, no, he wants to be loved for who he is! By a person who is a laundry list of (totally coincidental, I'm sure) socially-prized "high-status" well-defined mandatory physical characteristics, who's smart, but not smarter than him, and interesting without being challenging.

Lindy, that's you?!? You're gorgeous!

outtie 5000.

Ha!

As if being bathed in the kitchen sink isn't horrible enough, to add insult to injury my step-mother uses the soap bubbles to make her dog look like a fawn.

You are only allowed to shop at the Fat Old Ugly Worthless Thing Depot, conveniently located in your local mall.

saw this on facebook, love it

That statement is infuriating. I hope she can take them to the cleaners.

Yes but peppermint Joe Joes are the most delicious cookie ever. They are so much better than Oreos. I stock up on boxes just so I can eat them into March.