“it speaks very poorly of your cognitive and maturity levels that all you can consider, in the context of a subculture that factually and demonstrably has a HUGE problem with rape, abuse, and violation of consent, is yourself.”

And she comes out insulting not just on the level of subculture but the personal as well.

I…

“Male dom/female sub BDSM mirrors and enforces the already existing misogyny and damaging gender norms of our society”

No, it doesn’t. It appears to on a VERY superficial level. However, if you talk to people in the lifestyle, you find a very sharp divide between people who essentialize that relationship, those who…

It is obvious you have not watched much of his stuff as he is also known for doing some pretty romantic stuff. Which helped get him a huge fanbase.

“I will absolutely judge men who want to enact them.”

I have been raped. I know precisely what it is. Acting out rape fantasies with my hubby is sometimes all about rape and sometimes not. Sometimes, it is me being able to go back to that moment and rewrite it so that I am the one in control. I know I can end it at any moment...and have on a couple of occasions, and my…

“I have never and will never shame a woman for having rape fantasies or getting off to rape simulations. But you can damn well bet I’ll question, criticize, and side-eye the fuck out of dudes who want to enact them.”

Actually she can...in a weird workaround way. It can be lowered for maintenance according to the law. All she has to do is make sure ongoing “maintenance” is in place—forever or until the legislature comes to their senses and changes the law.

Actually she can...in a weird workaround way. It can be lowered for maintenance according to the law. All she has to do is make sure ongoing “maintenance” is in place—forever or until the legislature comes to their senses and changes the law.

I'm honestly not sure how you got to things like "we can't freak out about being told to shut up" or "it can feel like we are being marginalized when our experiences are not the center of the conversation" from what I wrote. I asked—how do I help? I did not complain about how I was treated, just gave some examples of…

Thanks for the balanced answer. But let me be clear. This isn't about feelings for me. I mean, it's nice to be acknowledged, don't get me wrong. But it's not really what many of us are looking for. It's literally about "how do I help without seeming to be the problem?"

For example: how do you know what I need to learn?…

What if they don't result in black suffering?

That's the tough issue for a lot of us. I'm not saying that i never ever buy into the system that privileges me. Such a thing is literally impossible. But there IS a difference between people who are never aware that their privilege comes at the cost of others, and those…

So if we're not supposed to apologize, what precisely do we do?

If I speak out, regardless of my intent, I'm hijacking the narrative.
If I don't, I'm complicit in the systemic racism that my parents raised me to believe was the basest evil.

If I protest, I'm hijacking the narrative and making it about me again.
If I…

Unfortunately, it does appear to be a fetish, rather than mainstream.

I am missing where any of this was said to the children involved. So what's your beef with "the women above" (rather than just your own mother)?

Amen. And people just don't get how destructive it is to your moral when you are eating right and exercise and people assume you're unhealthy. Including DOCTORS. I would really like a t-shirt that says, "Before you call me unhealthy, let's compare our glucose, cholesterol, and blood pressure. Trust me, mine is almost…

Facts and unbiased sources make me hot. Just saying.

No, that's malpractice. But we are still the ones getting lectured for not just accepting that regular malpractice in lieu of actual healthcare.

Nope. I've had a whole series of fat-shaming medical professional in Seattle and on the Eastside, including the fertility expert who told me that my weight would probably lead to me miscarrying (the difference between me and a HAWA person is a couple of percentage points, not putting me even close to "probably").

So…

You are confusing cause and effect. Fat people don't start out by not going to the doctor (and therefore leaving the doctor with too few opportunities to talk to them about their weight). We start out like everyone else: thinking doctors are consumate professionals interested in helping us stay healthy.

And it's NOT…

"Eat less and exercise more" is generally the only "physician assistance" most of us get.

And let's not equate smoking with eating, okay? Smoking is easier to quit because your body doesn't need cigarettes to survive. It's easier not to have the first one than not to have the second, right?

But we have to eat food to…