This obviously does not apply here since “Cindy” would never be playing at Augusta.

I’m no wrestling fan, but how bout you list for us all the things you enjoy?

The only thing less entertaining than most April Fool’s pranks is the throng of people telling us that April Fool’s pranks aren’t funny.

I know. It’s about my next door neighbor.

She won’t co-operate because it means she will be entitled to half of the $19 million (minus suspension time) that he will make when she divorces him.

I turned off the game with like 9 minutes left. Turned back to it after awhile and Syracuse is cutting down the net. Wtf?

Valentine's Day candied hearts are the worst seasonal candy.

Oh good, even our new writers have terrible opinions.

I hope this works. If the NFL can reduce kickoff returns by 5-10% then football will be a safe sport.

Oh no, it’s totally legal, that’s why the can was covered in tape, the referees replaced the ball and there is an article on Deadspin.

Do you have a pot and stove at work? I don’t.

(that was a pop out)

Perception is the only thing an offensive line has, because 99 percent of people watching football have no idea what an offensive line’s doing.

“I talk with my hands,” Menzl said.

Cool, let me just put together 10% of a $500,000, totally reasonable. Reminder: not all of us have parents who can gift us down payments.

I think someone’s Sega Genesis controller got disconnected.

This is like complaining about a headline after the Superbowl. Literally. Spoilers don’t extend to sports.

The fuck are you SUPPOSED to do?

“Capt Balderrama: McClendon went left of center traveling at a high rate of speed, collided into bridge wall, car engulfed in flames @NewsOK”

Yeah, that criminal who stalked her and then put naked pictures of her on the internet really did her a solid! Where does she get off complaining? Some bitches just can’t take a compliment.