I specifically requested that my first name be on my name plate. They wanted to use my everyday name.

Don’t you idiots see that he’s actually Batman?

I’ve gone by my middle name since the day I was born, because I share a first name with my father but NOT a middle name.

No SLU-shaming, Deadspin.

Bad news: she doesn’t have a 5 point lead anymore.

Man, I bet the Raiders have never given up a touchdown like that before.

Especially when he eventually wins the appeals and has a lot of cash on hand to start with.

Their backup is the newly signed “Tom Brady With A Fake Mustache"

which is how humans are designed to wake up anyway.

which is how humans are designed to wake up anyway.

BLM: “Some police are assholes.”

His corpse.

After this description, I can hear all that - it just seemed like background sounds to me before.

Worf?

Trump promised to donate $5 million to charity if he was convinced that Obama was born in the United States. When and where will he be making that charitable donation?

This was a great idea by Obama.

Uncle Juice. You’re still the Juice, Juice.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

Caleb Joseph once homered in five straight games.

Give or take 0%.