At least you don’t have to name the kid Miracle Whip.

I work for a small-town newspaper, and when the NECCO company first got into trouble a few months back I went to write a first-person column about my complete and utter disgust for NECCO wafers — only to discover that I actually like the *sour* kind. It’s only the original assortment that I despise.

I once heard the story — but don’t see it anywhere online, so it’s probably apochryphal — that the Mars family had a ne’er-do-well son whom they packed off to Europe for a while to let him sow his wild oats. While there, he supposedly discovered British Smarties and brought them back with him to suggest that the…

The existence of this show just goes to prove my theory: Germans love David Hasselhoff.

SPICE FORCE!

I always loved the story about how Dixie Carter was not quite as liberal as Linda Bloodworth-Thomason and sometimes bristled at the speeches Bloodworth-Thomason wrote for her. Which led to a deal — any time they made Carter do one of those speeches, she’d get to sing in an episode! I want to say, but can’t immediately…

<blockquote>Foraging sounds sexy, especially through the lens of an Instagram filter, but like blacksmithing and neurosurgery, it is highly advisable that it is performed only by professionals.</blockquote>

In the days of Usenet and e-mail pass-alongs, there was a story about a child being stuck by a syringe discarded in a McDonald’s playground ball pit. The story (which appears to have no basis in fact, although it certainly *could* happen, and there have been syringes found in ball pits) was circulated at one point as…

So you were “... and the rest” ?

I have been saying this for years, in blog posts ( https://medium.com/@johnicarney/not-exactly-ceviche-2a4bfc05245f ) and even in a story for the small-town newspaper where I work ( http://www.t-g.com/story/2281184.html ). Don’t think of it as “imitation crab,” just think of it as surimi and enjoy it as its own thing.…

News stories about restaurant inspections always make me think of the Donald Sutherland “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers”:

I still remember seeing him on original-recipe Japanese “Iron Chef.” I don’t think he competed himself, but he appeared in support of some protege from one of his restaurants. “Iron Chef” often liked to present mentor-protege relationships in its contestant introductions, and often with the mentor present to cheer on…

I have noticed that, when testing for standard cholesterol, A1C, etc., they tell you in advance not to have anything *after 6 p.m.*. But when you get to the medical office, they ask you if you’ve had anything *since midnight.*

I had to laugh at the similar poses:

The head of a burgeoning lifestyle empire is secretly engaging in stock market manipulation, but Bruce decides to let her go when he discovers her first name is Martha.

Do I smell a “Scarecrow and Mrs. King” reboot?

I got a Hebrew National notification for this?

Peter Sagal made a Twitter post last month that they were going to make a joke about Fieri on “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me!” and started researching him ... whereupon they decided he was a nice guy and they didn’t feel like piling on.

I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen Cochabamba referenced in a news story. I was there, about 10 years ago, for a relief trip — we were teaching cottage industries and trying to set up a water purification system. It was probably the least-successful of the nine such trips I’ve been on, partly because of some…

Just get in touch with Hank Pym and then you can go back and see it on the same size screen; it will just look bigger.