I have a friend who makes her own fortune cookies with the darkest, most existentially fucking depressing messages inside them. Like: “Love is a chemical illusion,” and “The whistle on your life jacket will attract no attention,” and “Entropy always wins in the end, asshole.”

Good, but it needs a clearly visible coating of cat hairs in order to be great.

I am a cat lady. I have two right now, but that’s only because my landlord won’t allow me to get more. When I get my own house........I will try to be an ethical cat hoarder. They’ll all be fixed and none of them will be dying in dark corners and not discovered for 4 years. But, yeah, I’m going to have lots of them.

Real cat ladies have so much cat hair clinging to their clothes they don't need to weave it into sweaters. It weaves itself into their current sweaters.

I’m no lady and going to sick Cerberus on you for calling me a cat lady. #TeamDog

I think every result is cat lady.

My beloved asshole cat died earlier this year, and it’s been unexpectedly difficult to unshackle myself from my cat lady identity. I’m travelling a lot, so it doesn’t make sense to get another furry fuckface right now, but I feel bereft. Not just of a cat, but my of my truest, most essential self.

If, like me, you had to blow cat fur off your keyboard before you could even respond to this post, you might as well skip the quiz. #catladiesunite

I am an oppressed cat lady because our house doesn’t allow kittehs.

7 different friends yesterday posted this on my FB wall suggesting that I either need this costume or I already look like this.

That sounds terrific! I wish that happened everywhere. That would be fun to go to AND to participate in!

I went to an all girls boarding school, and all they need are some decks of cards. They may never even want to leave.

I have a few answers....

DAD JOKES!!!!!

You had better copyright that shit before “Barefoot and Pregnant in the Space Kitchen” premieres on the Food Channel this spring.

Anna Kendrick’s humor definitely skews towards “Dad Jokes”

Neil DeGrasse Tyson is having stoner thoughts. Black dye, Neil.

I’m wishing she’d gone with “the same way that men do.”

No makeup. No men. No problem.

“What would you do without men or makeup?”