Ugh. I’m sorry.

This job hunt is so terrible I wanna cry.

You guys!!! Who’s listening to S Town???

So at the urging of one of my few friends I joined a few dating apps and I gotta say it feels really creepy (especially before I realized I could raise the age floor) it also seemed like the anthesis of how we are supposed to look at people. It also reinforced just how shallow I can be. Anyhow feel free to share and…

Pointless story time! I was walking back from the gym yesterday and all of a sudden felt something hit my face warm and gooey. It got all over my glasses, which I never wear.

Sooooo, MsCoffee and I met up! Shes pretty amazing, and im a doofus (but hopefully a charming doofus!) so we shall see....

I have two life updates for you:

I posted this last week but I wanted to thank my fellow Jezzies for supporting me to get help for my addiction! I’m sober & doing what I need to do. Many of you helped me believe I could do it again. Thank you.

Eggs or go home bitches. And memo to the Reese’s conglomerate: ditch those nasty Christmas trees. The peanut butter to chocolate ration is wrong, like a dog peed on the tree wrong.

Law & Order is my jam, and can I just say that Mariska Hargitay is my hero. Not only does she work on behalf of real life victims with her Joyful Heart foundation, this is a woman who has held a long time leading role on a hugely popular series for over fifteen years. For a woman in show business that is…

In my girl’s case, the mom and aunt both work during the day, so who is going to be caring for the infant? The 14-year-old. What should she be doing during that time? Going to school. Thankfully we have a decent alternative school within our high school. I just hope she’s on their radar.

Has anyone called the police? Unless the young lady’s, um, baby daddy (?) is her age or younger, in most states, that’s statutory rape. Many of these girls’ boyfriends (?) turn out to be much older, which is actionable in almost every state in the union. It may not help her very much, but it could save the next…

I generally do the standard date thing. I was on a no-drinking kicker for awhile, so I got creative and did stuff like bowling, and going to the Cloysters (this really badass medieval art museum in northern Manhattan) which was pretty cool too.

Clearly we’re bashert.

WAHHHHHHHHH dating is hard and why am I so bad at it and what secrets do the wonderful women of Jezebel have to bestow upon me and when will I stop putting my foot and my mouth and aboohoohoohoo. Feel bad for me, the straight white male living in New York who is chronically single!

It shouldn’t have to be said, but I will say it anyway: If you voted for Trump because you “just didn’t like Hillary,” I will never fucking forgive you.

I may buy five copies. One to read, and several to throw at sexist douchebags who piss me off.

I will buy the hell out of this book, no doubt.

I just had a pap test come back positive for one of the “unspecified” strains of HPV. The best part is that I haven’t had sex in four years. I wish I could have been vaccinated. When I was of the appropriate age, it was still brand new, and the FIRST of the three shots cost me $1200. WITH insurance. My poor…