American names? I for one look forward to welcoming Prince Chad and Princess Madison into the tabloid family!

Can only claim her because of Maryland connection - although I am PG County Maryland closer to DC than to B-more which means we are from 2 different worlds. One thing I do know: Baltimorians are to be respected AND they are always good backup in a fight. Wish we had more Hardesty’s in gov’t. 

Whereas a rando homer signing up for a burner account just to make it clear to everyone that he’s completely missed the joke is extremely original and cool.

Brady: 3-21, 17 yards, 4 INTs. Rams over Pats 62-6.

There were more direct ways to ask Bridget Moynahan to the station’s holiday party, Mike.

Let’s not. Let’s just not have deductibles. Let’s just have real fucking first world health care like every other civilized goddamn country.

Let’s have a round of applause for deductibles. If the bill had gone straight to her insurance, there’s no freaking way they would have paid that much for a drug that’s been on the market since the Nixon Administration. 

She paid $233 WITH INSURANCE? I’m flabberghasted at how utterly FUCKED the system is at perceiving who is committing which crimes in this story!

I don’t think you could have a prouder moment than turning yourself in because you fraudulently obtained some medicine for a poor and sick child.

Sounds like the school was heavily banking on no one believing the girls.

#BeingGiddy/HyperWhileBlack

A store called Taco Shop that didn’t sell tacos would be pretty funny, actually.

Sounds like an excuse for perverts to strip search barely-pubescent girls.

I often think back and wish I could be as giddy and laugh as hard at stupid shit as I did as a tween. The way joy bubbles up and over at that age is an amazing thing.

Thank you Michael for your sincere apology. I was fearful the root would ignore the story once they found out that they had the facts completely wrong.

I’m sure there will be some hyper-conservative backwoods Catholic college that will still offer him a scholarship. Maybe Liberty University too, if he keeps the Catholic on the downlow.

Keep in mind these are the exact same people who won’t shut up about snowflake parents, the “culture of victimhood,” and absent black fathers being source of all problems in this country.

Yeah, this was not the face of “I was just trying to calm things down”. This is the face of a jackass who thinks he’s always right because his parents have always told him that he’s always right and better than those people.  

“Pretty White Victim Machine” by Nine Millimeter Penises

Oh goody, a redemption arc for the unrepentant teen.