First and foremost, we have to go after their international funding sources. That's the key. I knew these guys had money, but I had no idea they had Airport Luggage Cart Money.

In fairness, Roll Up was ending. Every cup matters.

What the hell are defenders even supposed to do anymore? Pray?

Cool story bro. Now tell us about how Islam is the religion of peace.

They grounded it to the mother f’in ground.

Do you, perchance, live in a state with legal cannabis?

I can’t believe that, in 2016, any parent would endanger their child by exposing them to the kind of bullying that will inevitably come from wearing a fedora in public. You’re too old to wear a fedora. The world knows it. Your son’s classmates know it.

The nice thing about Jalopnik is that we’re all allowed and encouraged to be ourselves. There is no decree from the top down to hold certain views or values, which often leads to all sorts of epic internal debates. As the emperor of Lanesplittlerland, you poor suckers are all subject to my personal views and opinions…

Idk Sean, I can see really really fast so this rule doesn’t affect me much.

Install airbags on a fleet of cars because they might get into an accident. Okay.

Is your boss open to adopting people?

The DBS was the perfect balance between class and race car. I feel like recently Aston has been leaning too far towards looking aggressive as opposed to looking elegant.

Whatever you think of the DB11, it still falls short of the DB9/S in the looks department if the verdict is so split. The last generation Aston was gorgeous in everyone’s eyes wasn’t it? That’s rare.

I’m pretty sure shopping carts are designed to achieve warp speed at the slightest gust of wind and there’s a navigation system built in to seek out the nearest car.

Option 3 is to find the Alpha car in the parking lot first thing, and then crash into it, just beat the hell out of it...then the other cars know to respect you.

What’s next? Kindergarden?!

Octoberfest

It’s an Aston, I have to stay classy for it

So, I’m a business owner and real estate investor, and his business record is not impressive. He started with millions of his dad’s money and proceeded to use corrupt, purchased influence over politicians to build just enough equity to leverage himself to the sky. Then he used the free cash flow to make himself flashy…