The headline is misleading.

No one in this story seems particularly likable...

It is common in media to depict violence in real places. Movies do it all the time, many games as well, even your local news. 

Spoiler:

You bag one bad dude, it only lasts a few moments and has basically a single scripted event where nobody dies. In fact nobody has to die at all. It’s definitely not piccadilly from the first reboot. Wish I could have stayed in Amsterdam longer, though.

This should beg the question in all of you why does actual …

Among most parts of this comment being pretty out of touch with gaming of the last two decades, the “preteens” part is a funny one.

My understanding is that Kotaku has been black-listed by certain publishers because Kotaku refuses to write nice things about bad games.  If the publisher doesn’t want a major gaming site like Kotaku to review their game, it tells you a lot more about what the publisher is scared of than what Kotaku’s opinion might be…

Then don’t read it. Stop blaming other people for you insistence on annoying yourself.

Let's keep things 25% less dickish. Just 25%.

If we don’t get a code for the game, we can’t review it ahead of time. Simple as that. 

Sadly I think it’s a little of column A, a little of column B. Most company CEOs are extroverted workaholics, and that oftentimes leads to a toxic shift in their viewpoint where they perceive anyone else who doesn’t share their overzealous commitment to the work (or “the mission” as they like to call it) as being lazy…

See this I find a little weird, and not in the outrage sense, but the article about Adriana Chechik makes zero mention of her being a (technically still active) pornstar, while this article constantly mentions Sasha’s porn career even though she is over a decade removed from it. I dunno, it kind of rubbed me (hah!)…

Man, threatening dogs is next level evil.

If ever there was a time for AMD to shine, it would be now.

Nvidia: “Fuck you, poor people”

When will he ask for a brown diesel manual wagon that we can they buy cheaply

Years ago, when the Trump Limo came up in a prior jalopnik article, I put forward that Donald Trump is in fact the greatest Jalop to have ever lived, and even as detestable as the idea may be I continue to hold that idea is true.

I couldn’t agree more. I knew the hot takes were coming, but never has so much been written or said about 2 lines of dialogue in a trailer.

We’ve heard literally:
“what is this place?” and “Mushroom Kingdom here we come.”

That’s 9 words out of a 90+ minute movie. I really don’t think we have enough to go on at this point with how any of them are going to sound as mario.

Obligatory “as a black person” comment.

Let’s be honest with ourselves here, can we?