Oh man I was afraid that story was going to a much darker place.

Are you my sister?? I am in the same boat, its looking like my parents will be 0/3 with their children having children. Two of those three are in long-term, committed relationships as well. They consider themselves SO unlucky.

Ugh. I had come in to town for the March and was staying like 1/2 mile from where the inauguration events. I was cooped up in my hotel room with headphones in trying to ignore the cheering outside and avoid the red hats in the elevator. But my memory of the weather is the same.

Oh come on, Michelle clearly referred to the protocol of state visits (of which she has done hundreds of in the past 8 years) and not the protocol of inaugurations arrivals (of which she has done 1, 8 years ago). I believe her that state visitors don’t bring gifts, I don’t think she meant to say it was weird for…

Oh, the relapse right is high? Oh, then fuck me, let’s just send them all to an island to die then. Thank you for this enlightening information!

Um, FUCK this story. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy that the innocent child is okay and will have a chance at a productive life. But did it cross NOBODY’S mind that helping the mother overcome her addiction and raise her own child would be the better outcome?

You’re really gonna tell the woman who did *THIS* at your stupid awards shows to “step up” ?!?!

Naw, she’s a Philly girl.

God, Jesse Eisenberg is such a raging douchenozzle. Have you ever seen the snide, condescending way he treats interviewers on his press circuits? Like they wouldn’t rather be anywhere fucking else than interviewing your pompous ass about whatever mediocre move you just made.

Ugh. This one really hurts. I have always absolutely adored Winslet, ever since by adolescent obsession with Titanic and on through all of her work in the aughts and teens.

Yeah, I meant she just searches for the flight to ensure there’s an extra ticket, but doesn’t actually purchase it! Just a theory...

Re: the empty seat, I imagine she goes onto Kayak and searches for a same-day flight in the next couple hours, since if they’re still selling tickets they must have an open seat. Then, once she sneaks past the gate agent she probably hangs out in the plane bathroom until boarding is over so she can spot which seats…

I got Molly, too! But I’ve always been a WWII history nerd.

WHERE’S MOLLY AT THO.

Well, a life sentence is a specific amount of years, despite the misleading name.

But this doesn’t explain the clearly intentionally-worn nipple clip. I think it went down exactly how it was supposed to. They were trying to be provocative (this was in the days of “Dirrrrrty” et al) but it backfired when all the middle America parents clutched their pearls, and Janet took all the blame for it…

I think making her that young allowed them to stretch the plot so that her years of having bad things filtered allowed her to beat her mom without her human instincts to stop kicking in. If she were 18 that filter would have been off for the past 7ish years, versus just 4? I dunno...

Notable non-signers: Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Jessica Biel.

I would celebrate for myself, for my country, and for the world. And I would feel 0% bad about it.