That’s giving Milo way too much credit. He is a wanna-be Ginsburg with none of the writing talent, brain power, or originality. Same fucking playbook apparently. Not an original thought.

But in this one Will Smith will kill Jesus while stealing Margo Robie away from Jared Leto.

Every medical decision I’ve made in my life has been based around the actors featured in, events depicted in, and ideals supported by the movie Dirty Grandpa. I see no reason to change that up now.

With this guy in particular it doesn’t help that he looks like a poster boy for the Schutzstaffel. That’s called basic awareness. He punches down, always has. And he tries to play the “celebrity is so crazy, I don’t deserve it” jaded shtick that that Joaquin Phoenix used to capture the hearts of the world to such…

Well, we have a plan of action, now all we need is an action vehicle and some appropriate weapons. Luckily our second amendment makes inviolable our right to rolled up magazines and old shoes.

I feel like these new additions to the Madden franchise are really taking away from the core football experience.

Counterpoint: bugs suck, kill da bugs. Give their jobs to Joe American, he can pollinate a tree, AND he’d pay taxes doing it by God.

There was a Heat of the Night re-run that I saw when I was very little, and somehow this paraphrase of a quote stuck, Carol O’Connor said something like he’d want them to say they were releasing him and as he was walking away free, just shoot him in the back of the head. If you are going to do it, that has to be the…

I think Trump would be more concerned with personal image than getting into trouble. As thin skinned as he is it could be a recent shirtless picture. Not that I’d put it past him to do any of the above for a giggle.

I’d move to South Dakota but A) I’ve heard there aren’t any women living in the state (really only half joking, given some of the shitty things...). B) what kind of work is on offer? Dirt cheap isn’t so cheap when you’re working a griddle or folding clothes.

I don’t actually think Russia wants an armed conflict. They want America weakened and at odds with China. Gives Putin a nice window to put the band back together and to his mind come out as the major power in the world.

He was using the state secrets as a framing tool to make his penis look bigger. Trump has to establish this as an acceptable reason somehow and ASAP. So, two birds. Two microscopic birds.

Yep, and it seems like a real move towards a corporate state. I’m going to post this as it seems to be the specific utopia that this administration of parasites is targeting given how they seem to gleefully flaunt their broad business entanglements. Harris Yulin kills the reading, if you have 20 minutes, maybe…

D.I.Y.

I somehow always thought this was an ad column because I’m dumb, especially so because this was great. (so forgive my first timer question)

Whatever dude, you’re just jealous that you didn’t get two consecutive words from one line of a Gorrilaz song that totally speaks to your relationship with your girlfriend at the time in the early aughts without any number string after it on the kewlest webmail/fantasy baseball platform, like, ever.

I don’t know, Mr. Burneko, if you read it with a certain eye it sounds like Larry wants you to find your way to some money, have some sex, feel reinvigorated, and... Have a happy bowel movement?

If you attempt to engage any of his more fervent supporters on Twitter, you will realize that most of those who voted him either

What the hell did Carthage ever do to you?!

No doubt the valedictorian of one of DeVos’s charter schools. You take that snickers bar and meaningless slogans and contempt for reading comprehension and general awareness, the only things they’ve given you to use in the real world, and give ‘em hell... Just for fun, are you often surprised when you get wet when…