DYING.

Way back when, I showed some SNL Consumer Probe sketches to my products liability professor and as far as I know, he still uses them in class.

Better pic

Also, when it’s rainy and people wear black and carry huge black umbrellas so they are almost impossible to see, I always congratulate them (in my head) for their Johnny Invisible Pedestrian costumes.

Jane Curtain: (enraged) Look at this costume! It’s just a bunch of oily rags and a lighter!

This is a country in which Native Americans defending their sovereign lands from desecration and ecological calamity are considered criminals, but a bunch of white jackasses armed to the teeth can take over a federal facility and be exonerated of any wrongdoing. This latest display of bigotry and idiocy is…

She fucking killed that debate and I am drunk and a nasty woman and also i love bad hombres and fuck him and i ate a burrito and several cookies and maybe like a whole bottle of whine or wine or shit or omg i need to go to bed even on the west coast i am a mess omg i hate trump o hope he dies ifn a fire

Some things the Republican party needs if we would ever like to win another election.

Jesus, I hope you just turned 18 with naivete like this...Please read up on our past presidents before declaring the most qualified candidate ever.

Pretty cool how much you like the state-sanctioned murder of brown people.

The most qualified candidate EVER? What are you smoking? Do you know how many VP’s have run for the Presidency? You know, the guy who was second in command for 8 years prior? The guy who was head of the Senate for 8 years prior? The guy who usually was a Congressman or Governor prior to his 8 year VP position? …

I think the real question is why the hell wouldn’t you want to?

But would you really want to spend Halloween night at Dracula’s digs? Does that really seem like a good idea to you?

oh god i was eating spaghetti I WAS EATING SPAGHETTI

Why overhanded? WHAT IS THIS MAN?!

It’s buried under your keg.

Um, I’ll be the asshole: that was terrible. Are we listening to the same thing? It was so blah— totally the antithesis of the original (or even a good local production).  

But, he’s not joking like “I’d like to grab her by the pussy” he’s describing what he’s done. Saying he can do anything he wants, because he’s rich and famous.

I realize this is a few years late, but I’m far more terrified of small spiders. A horde of baby spiders emerging from an egg sack is my eternal nightmare.