With as retarded of a list of wants as he has, this is the only suitable option.

There should be a name for an ill-advised combination borne out of boredom and desperation that is made from whatever happens to be around and happens mostly just because it can be done. I think something like this should be called a “Lewinsky.”

If that’s what a day and a 24 pack of beers can do, imagine what he could have achieved with a day and a few bottles of liquor or wine... Or both.

Give a man a welder and a week’s worth of meth and this is what you get.

I still prefer the Mini Cooper/Suzuki Samurai combo.

10% genius, 15% drunk, 75% out of his goddamned mind.

Saw this on Pinterest, so I thought I’d try it myself. Nailed it.

I guess now we know what it’s good for

“I'm sorry, sir, but you need to park that car in the 'competitor' lot. Head down the road a block, turn left, then go five miles towards the river. It's at the bottom."

Now imagine a worker at the Ford factory turning up in an Agera.

When you read that headline up there about a bunch of snails destroying an old Trabant, I’m sure most of you were thinking “In drag race, right?”

This may result in a revocation of my Jalop Card, but I don’t hate this. This one has too much negative camber for my tastes, but otherwise I think it’s kind of cool.

Dibs on the powder blue one.

True, but ultimately there is a difference between knowledge and interest. I want to know if human-driven cars are suddenly banned, but constant posts about it are unnecessary (Ditto for Tesla) , as it doesn’t particularly interest a lot of us. It's not what we're here for! We’re here for cars...

Why so much coverage of autonomous cars lately? I understand that it’s a major development in transportation, but I thought this site was geared towards driving enthusiasts. It seems like a running publication covering the latest in electric wheelchairs. Let’s refocus.

Pretty much any Ghostrider video. That guy is insane!

Freddy, we’re gonna have one of those meetings later where I talk and you listen.

Instead of letting celebrities lap the track for the fastest time, they should let chris loose on foot and let the celebrity chase him down and hit him. Fastest time wins.

Better yet! How about a howto to use old video projectors for headlights! that way we can project NyanCat on the road as we drive! GENIUS!!!!!